Terio Cometh and Other Things You Need to Know about the World of Football

It’s pretty common knowledge that the media keeps certain things from us/shoves stories in our face to distract us from other issues. At least, that’s what any regular Conspiracy Theory Steve would have you believe. Well you know what; I’m along for the ride today, as it pertains to football. Roger Goodell and the NFL media have things that they don’t want you to know, and I’m going to expose them! Be warned, some of this may come as a shock to you. Also be warned that 90% of this article won’t be serious in any way. Ready?

Before we even get started, you need to see this: 

That is NFL stars Ray Rice, Desean Jackson, and Chandler Jones doing a dance called the Terio. Terio is a young man who was made famous by a video his older cousin posted on Vine this summer, and if you don’t know what Vine is I’m weeping for you. There’s no conspiracy here, you just need to know this dance, get used to this dance, and most importantly do this dance as much as you can. As Roger Goodell would say, ooh kill ‘em!

Last Sunday night, Jay Cutler took off on a run during the Chicago Bear’s game against the Pittsburgh Steelers, which they won. A big reason why they won was because of what happened on this particular play. At the end of his run, Jay Cutler saw a defensive back coming to tackle him and lowered his shoulder, his throwing shoulder, into the DB, knocking him clean off his feet. After the game, reporters made it seem like Cutler had made a dumb decision that he was lucky not to have been injured from. Well, those reporters are wrong, because a quarterback truck-sticking a DB is the greatest thing ever and should happen at least once a week. Thank you Jay Cutler, we appreciate you. 

Now, on to more hard-hitting issues, shall we? In case you hadn’t heard, 49ers star Aldon Smith was committed to a rehab facility last week after running into a tree and being charged with (definitely not his first) DUI. Once it was decided that Smith needed help for his alcohol problem, San Francisco agreed that he should deal with his addiction…after their game against the Colts. In light of past incidents, like Smith being stabbed at a party, it was clear that the young playmaker was in a bad place. However, that all took a backseat to the 9ers winning on Sunday, which in any case they did not. So why was Smith allowed to play? The media will tell you that because he was on the active roster, he had to suit up, but in fact a head coach can make any player inactive at any time. Even if Smith did have to suit up, he in no way needed to see the field. Did the 49ers want to give him the opportunity to play with his team one last time before rehab, or was winning just more important than a player’s well-being? Either way, let’s hope that we’ll never have to ask this question again after Smith returns.

In the first 3.1 weeks of the season, Peyton Manning has made himself the clear MVP favorite. But I ask you, should he be? Quite simply, no, no he should not. The real MVP is in New England, probably yelling at Aaron Dobson right now, even as I type this article. You see, Peyton’s numbers look great, but Tom Brady really is the most valuable player to his team. The solution to this equation is the same as the key to the “Best of All Time” argument that rages between these two, Brady makes receivers while receivers make Manning. Tom Terrific has won three Super Bowls, five AFC Championships, and set all kinds of records while throwing to guys like David Givens. The talent around him has never limited his potential because he elevates the level of everyone around him. Wes Welker was nothing more than a semi-talented return man until Brady got his hands on him. Randy Moss was troubled and washed up until he Brady revived his career.

On the other hand, Manning reflects the talent he’s given. Marshall Faulk, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Pierre Garcon, Edgerrin James. All these players carried Manning into GOAT contention by allowing him to throw for all kinds of yards and touchdowns year after year, even though nobody wants to point out that he flopped in the playoff year after year, coincidentally losing a few times to Brady and his no-name receivers. In fact, when the Colts managed a huge comeback to win the 2006 AFC Championship, they did so only because James has been added to the offense that year, adding to Manning’s long list of highly-talented options. Of course, Peyton won the Super Bowl that year, but that was a year where all the AFC had to do was show up. Rex Grossman was never going to win the Super Bowl.

So how does this affect the current season? Well, Manning is once again finds himself in a situation with oodles of talent all around him. In fact, the receiver that Brady spent the last five years turning into a superstar, Wes Welker, is now making Manning look even better. On the other hand, Tom Brady is 3-0 with receivers who only know about half of the playbook and don’t seem to be sure if they’re supposed to catch that brown thing flying towards them. Even so, with the running game barely contributing, Brady has thrown touchdowns to Aaron Dobson, Kenbrell Thompkins, and Julian Edelman this season. You don’t know who those people are, and that’s okay. Does Manning have 12 touchdowns in three weeks without Demaryius Thomas, Wes Welker, and Eric Decker? I really doubt it. Embrace your true 2013 MVP, Tom Brady.

I’m sure you’ve realized by now that RGIII was not 100% healthy coming in to week 1, as he had announced. He’s been immobile and unable to even plant his foot before throwing, directly contributing to Washington’s 0-3 record. However, how would we have perceived him if he was still resting and recovering? Adrian Peterson may have recovered from a torn ACL in record time and come back better than ever, but that’s nowhere a fair expectation for any human being. Instead, let’s look over into the basketball world, specifically at one Derrick Rose. Rose has been seemingly recovering for years after tearing his ACL, and has been mocked in every way because of it. However, that’s worth it if he comes back truly at 100% and never has to deal with the injury again. Really, RGIII has to ask himself if he’d rather get this:

or this:

It’s unlikely that Griffin will sit himself down now that he’s already come back, but I hope he’ll strongly consider giving himself the proper time to really recover.

Chances are that if you’re a human in 2013, you have an opinion about college football players and whether or not they should be paid. The reality is, the NCAA is making billions and billions of dollars off of these athletes, but punishes them if someone even mentions money within their hearing range, and it’s ridiculous. Schools profit from ticket sales at each game, games that people attend because of the players, concession sales at the stadium, jersey sales, sales of other apparel such as shirts and hoodies and sales of other items like posters, etc. even with all this money floating around, it is illegal under NCAA rules for players to be given money just to feed themselves. What? How is that even allowed to happen? Even worse is that when a coach is discovered to have been helping his players financially, he is painted as a cheater. Why, because he cared about the young men placed under his leadership? Many players come from poor families, going to college to one day be able to improve their living situation.

Really, the only problem here is that the NCAA’s tyranny has gone unchallenged. They hand down huge punishments on players and schools that are accused of giving players money, and justify it with “because we can”. Can somebody please explain to me how money correlates to a player’s performance on the field? Because according to the NCAA, Reggie Bush’s family accepting money from USC is the reason he won the Heisman, and therefore he did not deserve the award. Is anyone upset just from thinking about this?

There you have it, folks. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. Have your own deviations from mainstream media’s spoon-fed ideas? Feel free to drop your knowledge in the comments section or tell me about it on Twitter, @GSRudy. If you have an idea for something I should write about or just want to ask a question, have a conversation, or anything else, you can email me at gyasi.redding@gmail.com. Until next time!

Giving Up On Skinny Josh Freeman and other Cultural Norms: My Week 4 Picks

Can I just point out how crazy last week was? That last drive by the Dolphins? The clutch win I came up with in my fantasy league? The burger I had two days ago that was smothered in chili? We’re going to dive into all that more, but first what the heck is wrong with Colin Kaepernick? He was nothing short of Superman in Frisco’s win over Green Bay in week 1, but ever since he’s been thoroughly Clark Kent (if Clark Kent didn’t secretly have super powers). I hope he gets it together soon, otherwise Frisco is screwed. Coincidentally, they’re facing off against St. Louis tonight, coming off a loss on a short week. As Scooby would say, ruh roh. Let’s get into the picks. Don’t forget bye weeks start this Sunday so double-check your fantasy lineup. As always, projected winner in bold.

Thursday Night Football: St. Louis Rams vs. San Francisco 49ers

As I was saying, the 9ers are limping into this game after being beaten and battered by the Colts on Sunday. St. Louis dominated the NFC West last season in division wins, so don’t think that they can’t hang with the big dogs like Seattle and (maybe not for long) 49ers. I’m thinking St. Louis 28, San Francisco 17

Sunday Games:

Houston Texans vs. Seattle Seahawks

The Seahawks are the best team in the NFL, bar none. Yeah, Denver’s great and all, but Old Man Manning will be back to throwing picks come December. Russell Wilson, Bobby Wagner, Kam Chancellor, Earl Thomas, I mean could literally rattle off their whole roster so I’m going to stop. But seriously, I’m not betting against Seattle until they give me a reason to. Houston 13, Seattle 33

Buffalo Bills vs. Baltimore Ravens

E.J. Manuel has shown some flashes of being a legitimate NFL quarterback, but Baltimore’s defense is not about to get outsmarted by a rookie. I have little to no respect for Baltimore, but I’ll give them that much. Buffalo 14, Baltimore 24

Cleveland Browns vs. Cincinnati Bengals

Both of Ohio’s (least) favorite sons had defining moments last week. Brian Hoyer stepped in for the Browns and threw three touchdowns in a win over Minnesota, leaving Adrian Peterson’s daughterincredulous. However, Hoyer also threw three picks. His victory was also a little less impressive than Andy Dalton’s squad taking down the Packers. I don’t see Cleveland pulling this one out. Browns 17, Bengals 30

Detroit Lions vs. Chicago Bears

Last week I started Matt Stafford in my money league, but this week I saw his matchup and immediately sent him back to the bench. The Bears defense has been performing to the fullest of their turnover-to-touchdown capacity, and I think that will continue in Detroit. Stafford can’t always throw to Megatron, and even then Tim Jennings will have something to say about it. Somebody tell Nate Burleson that the pizza man delivers. Lions 14, Bears 27

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Indianapolis Colts

Andrew Luck and his team have to be feeling great after they embarrassed the feared 49ers last week. The Jaguars probably don’t feel too good because they suck and last week Travaris Jackson scored two touchdowns on them after Russell Wilson had already scored four. That pretty much sums up life in Jacksonville. Jaguars 10, Colts 24

Kansas City Chiefs vs. New York Giants

While Peyton Manning is off to a record-setting start this season, little brother Eli is…not. Add in the fact that Andy Reid has turned Kansas City’s defense into The Purple People Eaters, and it’s not looking good for the Giants. The positive side of this? More and more pictures of Tom Coughlin’s bright red, frustrated face. Chiefs 27, Giants 10

Minnesota Vikings vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

A few years ago I’d feel bad for the Vikings for having this game on their schedule. Now there’s no reason to, and Minnesota could legitimately win this game. It will be up to young safety Harrison Smith to stop Big Ben because he’ll be sending Antonio Brown deep early and often. The Steeler’s running game doesn’t look to be much help, though. Meanwhile, Minnesota’s ground game…. Vikings 23, Pittsburgh 17

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Arizona Cardinals

Skinny Josh Freeman finally lost his job to rookie Mike Glennon, and it only took him three games! I’ve believed that every year would be Freeman’s year, but clearly he’s never going to break through. Arizona will be without Outside Linebackers Lorenzo Alexander and Sam Acho, which is great news for Doug Martin, but ultimately I’m all out on Tampa Bay. Buccaneers 13, Cardinals 21

Tennessee Titans vs. New Jersey Jets

Both Tennessee and New Jersey had games that came down to the wire this past week, and each emerged victorious. Jake Locker’s last-second interception was dropped and instead he got to be the hero by throwing a game-winning touchdown in front of the home crowd. I hate the jets, so let’s go Titans! Titans 13, jets 10

Denver Broncos vs. Philadelphia Eagles

This one could have been chalked up as the battle of unstoppable offenses, but the Chiefs negated that notion. Philly’s defense hasn’t been anything to fear at this point, so expect Peyton’s scoring tear to continue. Broncos 34, Eagles 23

Oakland Raiders vs. Washington Redskins

Terrelle Pryor was beating RGIII at his own game until he was concussed this week against the Broncos on Monday night. He was really Oakland’s last hope, so Washington’s win-less streak should end, despite their recent struggles. Get well soon, Terrelle. Raiders 7, Redskins 20

San Diego Chargers vs. Dallas Cowboys

This game is basically the Chargers against the Chargers, or the Cowboys facing the Cowboys if you will. Each time has mirrored the other in recent years. High-flying offenses, playoff disappointments, no playoffs at all, that sort of thing. Rivers and Romo have avoided making their usual week-to-week mistakes, but somebody has to lose this game of chicken, right? I say Romo breaks first. Chargers 35, Cowboys 27

Game of the Week: Atlanta Falcons vs. New England Patriots

Ryan and Brady are starting my fantasy teams in respective leagues, so I’m hoping the score of this game is something like 55-56. Realistically, New England is bringing along young pass-catchers and Atlanta has basically been playing with one receiver on the field with Roddy White hurt and Tony Gonzalez apparently feuding with Matt Ryan (why else would he be ignoring him out there?). The better defense here is New England, I know you saw Miami’s game-winning drive against the Falcons last week, and as such they get the advantage. Falcons 20, Patriots 31

Monday Night Football: New Orleans Saints vs. Miami Dolphins

Usually this game wouldn’t even be on the national radar, but both teams are coming in undefeated. Yes, the Miami Dolphins are 3-0. Mercury Morris is having a late-life crisis if Miami wins this game. Ryan Tannehill is coming of age, but Sean Payton has been plotting all summer to go 19-0 and then subsequently punch Roger Goodell right in his face. Call me crazy, but I’m taking Miami and Cameron Wake’s relentless pass rush. Saints 23, Dolphins 34

Fantasy Advice from a Fantasy Football Expert:

·         The Bears defense has been ridiculously good at getting turnovers, but that’s usually after they’ve given up huge chunks of yards. Reggie Bush should wreak havoc this week.

·         RGIII has struggled, but this is Oakland’s defense we’re talking about. Go ahead and start him, especially if Rodgers is your quarterback (kicking off the bye weeks)

·         Just wanted to take this time to point out that I definitely called Eric Decker having a great game on Monday night, even though I did spell his name wrong. You’re welcome.

Triumphant Fantasy Story of the Week:

I was up by something like 40 points going into the Raiders/Broncos game, in a matchup with my friend Chris who is a huge Denver fan. He’s a total homer draft guy, so his roster featured Peyton Manning, Demaryius Thomas, Julius Thomas, and Knowshon Moreno. I just knew he was going to catch me. When I checked our scores after the game, I had held on by 10 points. See? Fantasy expert.

My crystal ball let me down this week, so my record is sitting at a lowly 28-21. Also, I wonder if I’ll ever get this article out before the Thursday night game. I always start writing it during the afternoon, but somehow can’t finish it until we’re well into the game. Looks like I may need to budget my time better, or just get a personal assistant. Either way, I’m confident that next week I’ll be standing tall and proud after a week of fulfilled predictions.

Not So Royal: My Week Three Predictions (Now With Expert Fantasy Advice, From an Expert!)

Hey folks, did you miss me?! You might have noticed (and by might I mean of course you did because you all ravenously check this blog for new posts at least three times a day) that we haven’t published a single article in five whole days! For that, I am truly sorry. I guess now would be a good time to warn you that I’ll be extremely pre-occupied for the next nine months because my internship (you’ll hear more about that later) started back up on Monday. I’ll be traveling a whole lot and just generally busy all the time, so most likely there will be a lot less articles coming from this blog. But don’t worry, I’ll be home eventually.

Anyway, the reason why I gathered you all here is really to talk about how much of a genius I am. No, my IQ test scores didn’t arrive in the mail, but I did correctly pick the winner of more than half of the NFL games this past week. Does that mean I get to be considered “expert analysis” yet? I’ll assume you’re all nodding your heads in agreement. Well, another glorious week of football is upon us, and as such it is my duty to peek into the official Redding Report Crystal Ball of Athletic Clairvoyance© and see who will be standing on top come Monday night. Added bonus, you’ll get some expert fantasy advice from a fantasy football expert. Let’s get started, shall we?

Thursday Night Football: Philadelphia Eagles vs. Kansas City Chiefs

This is going to be a no-brainer for most people, but I’m not so sure. Sure, the Eagles offense has seemed to be the light-speed insanity it was hyped as so far, but against two pretty bad defenses. I think Brandon Flowers and Eric Berry will have something to say about this. However, not really confident in Alex Smith’s ability to keep up if this does turn into a gun show. Eagles 33, Chiefs 21

Sunday Games:

Carolina Panthers vs. New York Giants

Cam Newton is still CAAAAAAM! and the Carolina defense is vastly improved. They had a game-winning interception that was called back on a phantom penalty, let’s not forget. Don’t underestimate these guys. I see Eli going 0-3. Panthers 24, Giants 17

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Green Bay Packers

I love the Bengals, I really do. Unfortunately, there’s just not many teams who are going to be favored going into a game against the Packers. Did you see what Aaron Rodgers did to the Redskins? Washington’s defense is very similar to Cincy’s, ordinary secondary, good pass rush. Won’t be enough though. Bengals 20, Packers 45

Dallas Cowboys vs. St. Louis Rams

Dallas is coming off of a loss to the very same Chiefs who are playing tonight, but they look like a rejuvenated team this year. Cortland Finnegan will most likely be shadowing Dez Bryant all day, but it remains to be seen who in the Dallas secondary can stop Tavon Austin. Probably nobody. However, I see Dallas righting the ship this week. Cowboys 30, Rams 14

Minnesota Vikings vs. Cleveland Browns

Well, not much to say here. One of the worst teams in the league just traded their best offensive player to the Colts. A win this Sunday might be actually be a disappointment for the Browns. Vikings 24, Browns 10

New England Patriots vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

This is a very important game for both of these teams, although for different reasons. Skinny Josh Freeman and his squad come into Gillette Stadium with two very-close-almost-wins, which still translates to 0-2. Will he be playing for his job soon? As for the Pats, their haphazard receiver group is going against a defense that forced two Drew Brees interceptions last week. Can they keep their hands on the ball? I say yes. Tampa loses one more. Patriots 23, Bucs 16

New Orleans Saints vs. Arizona Cardinals

Lesser secondary units cower at the sight of Drew Brees’ offense on their schedule, but I doubt that Patrick Peterson and his new Honey Badger sidekick are amused. A week removed from dispatching the usually high-flying Lions, Arizona is playing with confidence on offense as well as defense. I think they pull this one off, although in a close contest. Saints 21, Cardinals 24

Tennessee Titans vs. San Diego Chargers

San Diego is going into this game feeling great, having just out-gunned Mike Vick and the vaunted Eagles offense. The Titans offense is nowhere near as powerful as Philly’s, and if Eddie Royal can keep it up, which I’m hoping he can for my fantasy team’s sake, San Diego will be just fine on their visit down south. Titans 13, Chargers 27

Washington Redskins vs. Detroit Lions

Washington (mostly Robert Griffin III) hasn’t looked like themselves through the first two weeks of the season. Or at least the version of the Redskins that we were expecting. However, Detroit’s defense is the perfect place for their offense to get back on track. That being said, Washington’s defense isn’t exactly lockdown themselves. Redskins win on the strength of Alfred Morris’ big day. Redskins 24, Lions 17

Miami Dolphins vs. Atlanta Falcons

The Dolphins have been off to a fast start this season, but the Falcons are an absolute juggernaut on offense (most of the time). With Stephen Jackson’s help, Atlanta should be able to control this game and get the W. Dolphins 21, Falcons 35

New Jersey Jets vs. Buffalo Bills

The top quarterbacks of this rookie class face off against each other for the first of two times in this divisional battle. I think EJ Manuel has already established himself as the better of the two, and his top receiver Stevie Johnson loves matching up against the Giants’ younger brothers. Jets 10, Bills 17

Seattle Seahawks vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

Cleveland may have unseated Jacksonville as the league’s worst team, but we’ll need further evidence to tell for sure. On the other hand, Seattle is definitely the league’s best team and their defense will not be taking it easy on new starter Chad Henne. Don’t you know by now that Russell Wilson will never ever lose a home game ever? Seahawks 47, Jaguars 6

San Francisco 49ers vs. Indianapolis Colts

Trent Richardson may be a rollickin’, frolickin’ good time, but don’t expect him to make the Colts an instant title contender. It will, however, give them a much better chance of winning their division. The only problem is, the 9ers don’t care about any of that and are very upset after being humiliated by their sworn enemies last week. That is not good news for the Colts. 49ers 42, Colts 24

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Chicago Bears

Pittsburgh didn’t look much better in their Monday night loss to Cincy, and I don’t expect them to improve this week. They’re just not who they used to be. Conversely, the Bears feature the same interception-happy defense that they always have; in addition to a new-and-improved passing attack that is taking no prisoners. Steelers 13, Bears 24

Game of the Week: Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans

We’ve all been wondering what the Ravens identity will be now that so many veterans (namely Ed Reed and Sugar Ray) have jumped ship. Denver blew them out (no surprise, same result in last year’s regular season) and they narrowly avoided an embarrassing loss to Cleveland, which is normal. But now, they’ve got a real test. The Texans, an aspiring AFC power who Baltimore has owned in the past. If they lose this game, that crow on their helmet gets a whole lot less intimidating. Speaking of Ed Reed, he’ll be happy to thwart Flacco’s deep-seam attempts this Sunday. I think Houston shocks the defending “champs” in a close one. Ravens 21, Texans 24

Monday Night Football: Denver Broncos vs. Oakland Raiders

Okay, I love what Terrelle Pryor’s been doing for the past couple of weeks, but let’s be real. I don’t see any plausible situation where Oakland wins this one, short of Peyton getting hurt. Sorry, Raider Nation. At least your quarterback is exciting and actually talented. Broncos 35, Oakland 17

Fantasy X-Factors:

·         Jacksonville’s defense is almost too horrendous to air on national television. Don’t fear a letdown from Marshawn Lynch after a big game last Sunday.

·         The Patriots defense has secretly gotten much better defending the pass and worse defending the run. Look for Doug Martin to rack up the points this week.

·         It’s kind of cheating to have the Seahawks on this list twice, but be sure to start the defense if you have them. It will be a blood bath.

·         Erick Decker is back on track, and that should continue against a depleted Oakland defense.

Fantasy Sob Story of the Week: All week I talked myself into Eddie Royal, waffling back and forth between taking him out of my already shaky lineup. It took me five days to trust him and, unfortunately, only about an hour to panic and start Leonard Hankerson instead. Well guess what? I lost by about 20 points, and Royal scored 30. So that’s my life.

Thanks to the Redding Report Crystal Ball of Athletic Clairvoyance©, my record now sits at a good-looking 22-11. Drop your own predictions in the comments section; I’ll see you when I see you!

Self Pity, Galactus, and Undercover Policemen: My Week Two NFL Picks

Fact: every sports fan loves predicting the outcomes of games. We have well thought-out reasons for our picks, articles from experts to back them up, and usually a healthy bias in the way of one particular team. Let me tell you folks, this blog is no different. Last week I was so happy about football coming back that I didn’t want to taint it with a picks column. Everyone was a winner. Now that all that sappy stuff is over, we can get back to the real point of football. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE WINNER. With that being said, every Saturday I’ll tell you my picks for the upcoming Sunday’s games. You can use these picks to place bets, and if you win you’ll feel like a genius with insider info. If you lose, well hey, I don’t moderate the comments section. Let’s get into it (home teams listed first, winners in bold).

Thursday Night: New England Patriots vs. New York Jets

Tom Brady is his home opener against a team he (and I) openly hates? A rookie quarterback matched against Bill Belicheck’s defensive schemes? JULIAN EDELMAN? The Pats take this one easy. (I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since this game). Pats 24, Jets 10

Sunday:

Atlanta Falcons vs. St. Louis Rams

Matt Ryan is my starting quarterback in three out of my five fantasy leagues, which means I will never bet against him except when he matches up against New England. He and Brady will each throw six touchdowns that week. Yeah. Atl 35, Stl 17

Baltimore Ravens vs. Cleveland Browns

Nobody, including myself, would choose the Browns to win 90% of their games on any given day. However, the Ravens were thoroughly depleted by a mass exodus of veterans after their Super Bowl win. Also however, Baltimore is angry after being humiliated at the hands of Noodle Arm Manning last Thursday. God help Brandon Weeden. Ravens 28, Browns 13

Buffalo Bills vs. Carolina Panthers

Carolina’s defense will emerge as one of the best units in football this year, mark my words. They’ll force a few turnovers for newly-minted captain Cam Newton to turn into points, even though EJ Manuel will have a few rookie-who-looks-like-a-vet plays. Cam won’t have anything to pout about after this game. Panthers 24, Bills 17

Chicago Bears vs. Minnesota Vikings

It’s a given that Adrian Peterson, Destroyer of Worlds (his official title around these parts) will give this Bears defense all they can handle. The only thing is, it’s the Bears defense, and they CAN handle it. “Peanut Tillman” and the Bears secondary will force Christian Ponder into some tight spots, so don’t be surprised if there are plenty of interceptions to go around. Expect to hear Cutler-to-Marshall at least once tomorrow. Bears 31, Vikings 13

Green Bay Packers vs. Washington Redskins

Colin Kaepernick and Robert Griffin III may have similar playing styles, but don’t expect RG3 to repeat what Kaep did to Green Bay’s defense. Griffin looked like a statue against Philadelphia on Monday night, and I’m not sure that his knee is really at 100%. NFL.com projects him to score 40 fantasy points tomorrow, but I’m not ready to trust him yet. Plus, Clay Matthews is out there lurking. Packers 42, Redskins 28

Houston Texans vs. Tennessee Titans

The Texans aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. The Titans are much less than that. Don’t be fooled by Tennessee’s opening win against Pittsburgh, the Steelers have A LOT of issues and injuries. Even with Foster and Tate splitting carries, Houston won’t lose sleep over this one. Texans 30, Titans 10

Indianapolis Colts vs. Miami Dolphins

Indianapolis may have had a scare in Oakland last Sunday, but don’t expect the same from Miami. Tannehill isn’t as mobile as Terrelle Pryor, or his Texas A&M follow-up act for that matter. An X-factor will be whether or not Mike Wallace can do better than the single catch performance he turned in last week in Cleveland. However, Miami’s success really hinges on Cameron Wake (and the entire defensive line)’s ability to pressure Andrew Luck. Given enough time, he will shred the Dolphin’s secondary. Colts 28, Phins 17

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Dallas Cowboys

Jerrah Jones’ Boys roll into Arrowhead Stadium looking like a team who’s finally harnessed their sky-high potential. The Chiefs turned in a blowout last week against Jacksonville, but I mean it was Jacksonville so… Anyway, look for the underrated KC defense to have a big day. Chiefs 24, Cowboys 20

Philadelphia Eagles vs. San Diego Chargers

The Charger’s Monday Nightmare against Houston proved that not much has changed about this squad. On the other hand, Chip Kelly has the NFL world buzzing over his new, warp-speed offense. An offense that ran 12 less plays than the Patriots in week one, just saying. But I digress, and the LeSean & Desean Show should have another great episode in Philadelphia’s home opener. Eagles 38, Chargers 21

Arizona Cardinals vs. Detroit Lions

If you hadn’t noticed, defensive coordinators have kind of caught on to this whole “Matt Stafford really wants to throw it to Calvin Johnson” thing, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be shutout this season. However, this week he’ll be matched up against one of the NFL’s best corners in Patrick Peterson, who will be sure to give him a hard time. Also a factor here, Carson Palmer can still sling it, and Larry Fitzgerald loves to catch the football. We might have a barnburner on our hands, people. Cardinals 45, Lions 42

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. New Orleans Saints

The Saints are a much better team than the Bucs. On the bright side, Tampa’s revamped secondary might be able to stop Drew Brees from putting up 50 points. Saints 42, Bucs 17

New York Giants vs. Denver Broncos

The third meeting between the Manning bros. will not disappoint. If Eli can get some help from his friends, he may be able to go touchdown-for-touchdown with Big Brother Peyton. Denver’s should have another big day, except Eric Decker of course. He’ll never have a big day again. Giants 23, Broncos 35

Oakland Raiders vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jaguars are far and away the league’s worst team. Saying anything more than that would really just be piling on the poor guys. Terrelle Pryor should have another day of exciting runs and saving broken plays. Raiders 27, Jaguars 3

Game of the Week: Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers

Factors in Seattle’s favor: Russell Wilson Our Football Messiah, better DB’s than Frisco, Bobby Wagner 2013 DPOY, the 12^th Man, Russell Wilson, Marshawn Lynch loves running against the 49ers defense, undercover policemen in Niners gear,  and of course a better receiving corps than San Francisco, even without Percy Harvin. Did I mention how much I love Russell Wilson? Hawks 42, 9ers 35

Monday Night: Cincinnati Bengals vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

As I said earlier this week, this game will be Pittsburgh’s chance to hold onto the torch that they are so unwillingly and (inevitably) passing to the Bengals. Is the Steelers secondary healthy enough to stop A.J. Green? Doubt it. You can always count on Dalton for an interception or two, though. Bengals 28, Steelers 13

Fantasy X-Factors:

·         QB: You saw what Peyton Manning did to Baltimore’s secondary, right? Now, did you see what Tony Romo did to New York’s? Yes, THAT Tony Romo. Peyton will be juuuust fine.

·         RB: Marshawn Lynch has gained at least 100 yards in his last two games against the 49ers, and I expect the trend to continue. He’s Beast Mode, just trust me.

·         WR: With Roddy White still hobbling, Julio Jones should be INHALING receptions on Sunday.

·         TE: Sam Bradford loves throwing to Jared Cook, and he’s proven to be a reliable playmaker. Also, I picked him up so he had better show out.

·         DEF: The Bears defense is an obvious play, but they probably went in the third round. Carolina’s squad is very complete and held Seattle’s offense to 12 points last week.

Last week I chose the Ravens, Patriots, Seahawks, Vikings, Chiefs, Buccaneers, 49ers, Cowboys, Browns, Bengals, Colts, Falcons, Steelers, Cardinals, Redskins, and Texans to win, with the Patriots again on Thursday night, which means my current record is 9-8. I can’t wait to watch all of my predictions come true!

State of the Union: Three Rivalries that Explain the NFL

In the sports world, rivalries are everything. Championships are great, the playoffs are exciting, but nothing gets a fan quite as amped up as a game against a rival. Nowhere is this truer than in the NFL. Everyone gets a piece of the flashier rivalries like Cowboys vs. 49ers in the 80’s, or every time that Tom Brady and Peyton Manning face off, but the real value lies in divisional opponents. Domination of divisional rivals can make even a 7-9 season a successful one in the eyes of fans. For Chargers fans, doing better than the Raiders each year is the only thing fueling their hopeful delusion. New England takes great pride in winning the AFC East 10 of the last 12 years. Ahead of the Patriot’s Thursday night meeting with their division villain Jets, let’s look at how three divisional matchups this week are ushering in the new age of the NFL.

We’ll start with the aforementioned contest between Patriots and jets (purposefully omitted capitalization). It’s no secret that New England has sat atop this division with a crown and scepter for some years now. That’s why New Jersey brought in brilliant defensive coordinator Rex Ryan four years ago in hopes of unseating them. How’d that work out? Well, Ryan’s squad was featured in the AFC Championship two years in a row, even beating the Patriots en route, though they lost both games. In those two seasons, the Jets were 2-2 against the Patriots in the regular season, with each team winning at home. However, in the past two seasons, Rex Ryan wanted asnack and New England logged sweeps in back to back seasons, including the infamous Buttfumble game. Now as these two teams face off tonight (8:30 pm eastern on NFL Network), both are having identity issues. The jets are trying to bring along a rookie quarterback, while Tom Brady is throwing to rookie receivers. After an offseason that wasn’t kind to either group, this game will be our first indication as to whether these teams can regain the respect they once garnered across the league and, more importantly, who will be victorious in this division.

Next up, we have the Bengals and Steelers going to head-to-head. This game represents a changing of the guard in the AFC North, whether Pittsburgh likes it or not. For the casual NFL fan, Cincinnati is probably not a big blip on the radar, and the stripes most likely conjure images of outspoken receiver Chad Esteban Ochocinco Johnson. As for the Steelers, they have long been an AFC powerhouse and Super Bowl contender. Besides a few good games by ex-Bengal Carson Palmer, the Steelers have good memories in Cincinnati. The tables have turned up north as the Bengals have used two very good draft classes to replace Johnson with silent star A.J. Green, find their franchise quarterback, and bolster the defense. On the other hand, Pittsburgh has watched its best players grow old gradually leave the team, and even Super Bowl XLIII hero James Harrison has joined the revival in Cincinnati. When these two squads face off, it will be a testament to the youth movement currently taking the league by storm. Also, James Harrison running down Ben Roeslithberger, which will be awesome to watch. But anyway, youth movement!

Speaking of youth, that brings us to our third and final match, the Sunday night showdown between the Seahawks and 49ers. The amazing thing about this game is that three years ago, it would have been just about the most irrelevant thing happening on any given Sunday. However, both teams experienced resurgence, beginning with their hiring of rival collegecoaches Pete Carroll and Jim Harbaugh, respectively. Preaching his “competition everywhere” mantra, Carroll patiently guided the Hawks back to form, winning the division and an upset playoff game in 2011. Upon his arrival, Harbaugh forged a strong bond with maligned quarterback Alex Smith and led San Francisco to the NFC Championship, coming one worst return man in the world away from meeting New England in the Super Bowl. The craziest thing? These coaches aren’t even why this game is important.

No, this game stands out because of who the rosters feature. Mainly, the quarterbacks. Seattle’s Russell Wilson and Frisco’s Colin Kaepernick represent everything that’s right in the NFL world. Young, dynamic, humble, Christian athletes who make play after play with their legs as well as their arms. Last season Kaepernick was handed the keys to the offense when Smith went down with an injury, and the 9ers never looked back. They ended up a few botched calls away from winning the Super Bowl. Wilson was drafted in the third round in 2012, and nobody expected him to start. After beating out Matt Flynn in the preseason camp, Wilson showed us all what he could do tying Peyton Manning's rookie record by throwing 26 touchdown passes. These two are now the most exciting pair of players in the NFL, and it will be a great privilege to watch them square off on Sunday.

What’s that, are we done yet? Why, of course not! I haven’t even mentioned the defense yet! Where the 2012 draft yielded the leader for Seattle’s offense, it did the same for its defense with linebacker Bobby Wagner, taken in the second round. He joined a unit that included the VERY confident Richard Sherman and silent-but-deadly safety Earl Thomas. In San Francisco, 2011 pick Aldon Smith took his place among a unit that already featured football’s best linebacker Patrick Willis and football’s other best linebacker, Navarro Bowman. With Justin Smith dominating the trenches, they wreak havoc week after week. In a league that has seen the decline of defenses and a rise in offense, particularly the passing game, these squads are a breath of fresh air. Between Seattle and San Francisco, they feature the best young EVERYTHING in the league and will most likely determine who represents the NFC in the Super Bowl. This will be a great rivalry for years and years to come.

Whew, there it is! It feels like I’ve been holding my breath over here people! Do you know how hard it is not to mention that the Patriots are playing their home opener or that Wilson and Kaepernick have bet an eyebrow on this game or the fact that Bobby Wagner will be the 2013 Defensive Player of the Year? No sir, not from me. Only solid analysis in this blog. However, there’s plenty of non-hard-hitting reporting swimming around in this noggin of mine, so feel free to drop a comment or get at me on Twitter @GSRudy. Don’t forget to catch the Patriots and Jets tonight on NFL Network at 8:30 pm eastern time!

Week 1 Is Over, So What Did We Learn?

Yesterday concluded one of the most highly anticipated events in American history, week one of the NFL season. Starting with Denver’s rout of the “champs” on Thursday and ending with yet another San Diego meltdown last night, we’ve now seen all 32 teams play a meaningful game. That being said, what did we gain from it? What we take from the 16 contests we watched over the weekend? Well, I’ll tell you.

Denver Broncos vs. Baltimore Ravens

·         All those starters Baltimore’s defense lost? Yeah, they mattered. Peyton Manning tied an NFL record with 7 touchdowns passes. Last season, the Ravens hadn’t allowed seven touchdowns until week 10.

·         Wes Welker’s dominance is Denver has officially begun. Right from the start Manning seemed to look Welker’s way for his first, second, and third read. This team may have no further need for Erick Decker.

Buffalo Bills vs. New England Patriots

·         The Patriots don’t need to worry about a lack of talent on their roster. Danny Amendola and Shane Vereen will continue to spark the offense until the team’s rookie receivers come along.

·         Nevermind. Amendola, who missed time in the week 1 contest, is “almost certainly” out for week 2. Vereen was placed on IR (designated to return) today, meaning he won’t be around until after week 8. Still no sure timetable for Gronk’s return. It may be time to hit the panic button.

·         EJ Manuel may be able to guide Buffalo to seven wins this season with the help of a mostly formidable defense and explosive ground attack.

Carolina Panthers vs. Seattle Seahawks

·         Russell Wilson still throws the sexiest deep ball around, which he proved with his game-deciding touchdown pass to Jermaine Kearse.

·         Carolina’s defense is going to stifle some offensive units this season. Wilson and Marshawn Lynch, two of this league’s most dynamic players, struggled against them all morning. Don’t sleep on these guys.

·         Luke Keuchly is an absolute beast. Don’t forget it.

Chicago Bears vs. Cincinnati Bengals

·         This Bears defense hasn’t changed much. With two interceptions from “Peanut” Tillman and a forced fumble by Tim Jennings, you can count on this unit to continue dominating, especially when it counts.

·         Andy Dalton needs to show more in his third pro season. Although he hit A.J. Green for two touchdowns on Sunday, Dalton also threw two picks which prevented Cincy from really pressing their advantage when they had a large lead.

·         Jay Cutler looks rejuvenated under rookie coach Marc Trestman. Even when the Bears were down 21-10, Cutler stayed calm and led the team back to 24-21 win.

Cleveland Browns vs. Miami Dolphins

·         In their home opener against the Dolphins, the Browns looked just like the Browns. Brandon Weeden struggled getting the ball to his receivers, although tight end Jordan Cameron had a nice 25 fantasy points. Cleveland’s offense and defense must improve.

·         A game against the Browns is hard to use as a measuring stick for any team because, well, they’re the Browns. However, it’s safe to say that ending a game with one reception is not what Miami had in mind for Mike Wallace against ANY team.

·         We might get to see rookie and former Gator playmaker Mike Gilislee in light of Lamar Miller’s poor week 1 showing.

Detroit Lions vs. Minnesota Vikings

·         ADRIAN PETERSON WILL DESTROY US ALL

·         Reggie Bush could also destroy some stuff, but not everything. Put him down for a few major cities.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Oakland Raiders

·         After almost having a heart attack on Sunday morning, I asked my buddy Sergio this question: “When was the last time you watched a Raiders game and felt suspense?” Terrelle Pryor will touch all of our hearts this season

·         The hype around Andy was no fluke. A fourth quarter game-winning comeback drive is not a bad way to start your sophomore campaign.

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Kansas City Chiefs

·         At this point, really the only reason the Jaguars stay even in the back of anyone’s mind is because their name includes alliteration. However, I doubt they’ll be making many waves this season. Their only star, Maurice Jones-Drew, doesn’t look able to bail out Gabbert this year. 0-16?

·         I was moderately impressed by Alex Smith, Jamaal Charles, and KC’s defense, but I’ll wait until their tougher week 2 test against the Cowboys to form my opinion on this squad.

New Orleans Saints vs. Atlanta Falcons

·         This was another cardiac hazardous game. While it was great to watch, Atlanta’s final drive made me concerned for this offense. On the last play of the game, Matt Ryan threw in an interception in the end zone because he couldn’t find an open receiver. Red-zone struggles can kill any good team.

·         Rob Ryan’s done a great job with this defense which, by the way, was HORRIBLE last year. Holding an offensive juggernaut like Atlanta to 17 points is no small feat.

·         Sean Payton is back with a vengeance. Can we just skip to the part where he flips off Roger Goodell after New Orleans’ first playoff win?

New Jersey Jets vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

·         Geno Smith might be more arrogant than Johnny Manziel. After winning a game that was literally given to him by a fellow rookie’s dumb mistake, his stood above his teammates and spread his arms as if he were some sort of god. Man I hate the Jets.

·         Skinny Josh Freeman doesn’t look much better in a contract year. I hope he can prove us all wrong.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Tennessee Titans

·         What can I say about either team? They both looked sloppy, not good throwing the ball, and I can’t even tell if the low score was due to good defense or poor offense.

·         The Steelers will definitely feel the effects of losing center Maurkice Pouncey throughout the season.

San Francisco 49ers vs. Green Bay Packers

·         Mike McCarthy said that his Packers would be ready to stop the read-option this season, and he was right. However, they weren’t ready to learn that Kaepernick is not a running quarterback; he’s a great quarterback who happens to be really fast.

·         Clay Matthews dodged a bullet in his sideline scuffle with San Francisco lineman Joe Staley. Cut the tough guy act, Clay. And maybe that hair, too.

·         ANQUAN BOLDIN WINS LIFE

St. Louis Rams vs. Arizona Cardinals

·         There are lots of insightful things I could say about both of these teams, but here’s the most important thing. I’m officially putting in my vote for Tyrann Mathieu as Defensive Rookie of the Year. Not that my vote counts, but either way. Honey Badger still doesn’t care.

·         I’m excited to see what happens when Mathieu comes up against the Seahawks and 49ers, which we’ll get to see twice. Will he be able to stop the demigods known as Marshawn Lynch and Frank Gore? I can’t wait to find out.

Dallas Cowboys vs. New York Giants

·         I’m not sure what to say about this game. There was a big moment for Tony Romo and he…he didn’t fold. He came through in the clutch. He didn’t lose the game for his team. Up is down.

·         I’m afraid for the Giants after this game, they don’t want to start David Wilson because he’s a fumbling machine, but they have to because their other running back is hurt. Oh, wait. I hate the Giants and this is hilarious to me. HAHAHAHA.

Washington Redskins vs. Philadelphia Eagles

·         This game made me afraid of two things. First, the Eagles offense might literally set some opposing defense on fire. Literally.

·         Second, and more seriously, I’m not sure how healed RG3 really is. He looked afraid to run, or just not allowed to, and even his passing game was dismal. Pride may be keeping the young star from admitting that his health isn’t where he thought it was.

·         Chip Kelly says his team didn’t play fast enough on Sunday night. What in the hell? Prepare yourself for the LeSean and Desean show.

San Diego Chargers vs. Houston Texans

·         Despite looking like a new improved team early on, as Ace Hood would say it was the “same sh*t, just a different coach” for the Chargers. They got off to a blazing start but faltered in the second half, allowing Houston to come all the way back and beat them.

·         Despite the comeback win, Houston wasn’t very impressive. I’ve never believed they were an AFC power (check their two games against the Patriots last year), but this is supposedly the year they prove me wrong.

·         Added bonus: I caught the end of the game at a pizza place, and the reactions of the Chargers fan there were priceless. Priceless.

·         We shouldn’t set the expectations too high for Mike McCoy in his first season, but I do hope San Diego can get it together for at least a playoff berth.

Well, there you have it. Looking back on how long it took me to write this column, it will probably look different after this next week of games. Totally worth it though. Did you learn any lessons of your own? Sound off in the comments section or let me know on Twitter at @GSRudy.