NFL Kickoff: Seven-Day Countdown

Okay folks; try to contain your excitement. Actually, don’t contain it at all. Shout to the heavens! Do a few heel clicks! There are only seven days left until the NFL season kicks off! Only seven days left! It’s been a long, long summer, but finally the one true sport has returned. In honor of what will surely be the longest week of the year, here are seven predictions about the upcoming season. Disclaimer: several statements may, and probably will, be grossly over-exaggerated. Enjoy.

1.      Tom Brady will win a third NFL MVP award. It’s true. The set-up is perfect. All summer long, analysts have been counting my Patriots out because of a drop-off in superstar personnel. Some even said they’d be overthrown in the AFC East! Have you seen the AFC East?? Brady, with the help of his rookie receivers and undrafted tight end, will quiet the speculators handily on his way to another MVP season.

2.      Adrian Peterson will not rush for 2,500 yards in 2013. In fact, he’ll have 3,000. I know, I know it sounds crazy. But do me two favors. First, watch the highlight tape of AP’s 2012 season. Then, realize that he does this before every game. "Your calculations, did they predict that Adrian would be a Super Saiyan?":

3.      Kenbrell Thompkins will be the Offensive Rookie of the Year. Wondering who this guy is? He’s Tom Brady’s new best friend. This isn’t just my Patriots bias choosing Thompkins over Tavon Austin. Austin is mighty talented, but his quarterback is Sam Bradford. Sorry, Tavon. At least you’re in better shape than your college quarterback.

4.      Roger Goodell will instate a rule outlawing any hits to receivers that do not land directly in their upper midsection, resulting in no quarterback throwing for less than 5,000 yards and Calvin Johnson achieving the first 4,000 yard season for a receiver in NFL history.

5.      The NFC West will send three teams to the playoffs. That’s right, three teams from the once-scourge of the NFC. We all know the Seahawks and 49ers will be consistent playoff participants for years, if only for the benefit of Madden. Who will the third team be? Don’t worry about that right now, just remember what I said when January comes.

6.      Robert Griffin III will start all 16 games. Somehow we began to look at RG3 as injury-prone quarterback. That’s a misconception. Once the knee heals, he will take his reputation back and maybe even Offensive Player of the Year honors with it.

7.      Okay, here it is. My official Super Bowl prediction. This February, the Seahawks and Patriots will face off in MetLife Stadium. Tom Brady wins his fourth ring on Eli’s home field and then sets fire to New York.

There you have it, seven things to ponder while you await the beginning of our most beloved time of the year. Oh, what’s that? You thought I forgot, didn’t you? Or did you forget? I know Jerry forgot. Well friends, as an added bonus to our football appetites, the college season begins this Saturday! Only three days from now! You know the drill

1.      The Florida Gators will unseat the Crimson Tide. Last year, a few costly turnovers against Georgia kept the Gators out of the SEC Championship and saved Alabama from fate. Not this year.

2.      Marquis Lee will be the top receiver in college football. Non-negotiable, end of story.

3.      I’m not even going to predict a National Champion. The College Playoff System will most likely drive us all to madness in its first year of practice. However, if I were to predict a champion, it’d be Florida. Just saying.

Well friends, I hope these predictions can keep you from insanity while we wait for the football to start.  Don’t forget, there are still preseason games today, starting at 7:30 eastern. Most of the starters will see little or no action, but hey, Terrelle Pryor is getting his first start tonight against the Seahawks. And Rex Ryan will probably play all of his starters into the third quarter, so there’s that. Let me hear your predictions! Tweet me at @GSRudy and, as always, the comments section awaits. 

RussWatch: Matt Flynn is All but Out in Oakland

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article analyzing Matt Flynn’s chances of getting Russed for a second consecutive season. If you haven’t read that post, well then go read it and then come back and finish this one. If you don’t like being bossed around, Russing someone basically means to improbably win the starting quarterback job over the high-priced free agent acquisition. Last year, Russell Wilson did this to Matt Flynn, lending his name to the term. This year, Terrelle Pryor seems ready to remind Flynn of that feeling. So, can Pryor pull it off? Let’s talk about it.

First, let’s look at this statistically. Pryor outshined Flynn in Oakland’s first preseason contest, and you can go ahead and throw out the game in New Orleans. Last night, however, was completely different in regards to one QB being better than the other. On the sheet, Flynn was 3 of 6 for 19 yards and 2 interceptions, adding 2 carries for 11 yards on the ground. On the other hand, the far other hand, Pryor was 7 of 9 for 93 yards and a touchdown, tacking on 37 rushing yards and another score. Advantage: Pryor.

Now let’s take the emotional perspective. Matt Flynn is not disliked in Oakland, his acquisition did nothing to set the team back, and he was generally well-received. However, Matt Flynn is not a Raider. Terrelle Pryor? The Raider Nation ADORES him. From the day he was first taken in the supplemental draft, Oakland’s fans have had an infatuation with Pryor that was to this point unreasonable. You can hear it in their raucous cheers every time Pryor escapes the pocket (which he did a lot of last night, and Flynn…did not) and takes off towards a first down. You can see the pride in their faces every time he finds the end zone and the excitement in their expressions with every jump-pass he throws. Which, by the way, did you SEE that throw? Put simply, Pryor is Oakland’s Golden Son right now. The Raiders organization will never be forgiven by the fans if Pryor is not starting come week one. Advantage, Pryor.

In all this, it’s important to monitor what the coach and/or GM, owner, etc. is saying about the situation. And what did head coach Dennis Allen have to say about the quarterback competition after last night’s loss? "We gotta look at it. Don't think Matt Flynn played well, Terrelle gave us a spark. We're not going to make any decision tonight." Translation: Sorry, Matt. You’re all but Russed for 2013. Keep in mind here that the third week of the preseason is considered a dress-rehearsal for starters, who will probably not play much, if at all, in the last week before real football begins. So basically not a good time for Flynn to turn in his worst performance. Advantage, Pryor.

There you have it. I’m guessing Oakland announces Pryor as the starter sometime this week. Maybe the #2 curse really has been lifted. Congratulations, Raider fans, you finally have a quarterback who you like and who is talented at the same time. Enjoy these Pryor highlights, you’ve earned it. 

Somebody Save the Raiders from Themselves!

This morning when I was tearing several athletes, actors, and otherwise professionally employed people/corporations, I forgot a very important issue. The Oakland Raiders are at it again (and by “it” I mean horrible decisions”). Yesterday it was announced that Terrelle Pryor is switching from his jersey number of the past two seasons, #6, to the number he wore in college, #2. That’s just fine, except OH YEAH HE PLAYS FOR THE OAKLAND RAIDERS AND THEY SHOULD HAVE BANNED THAT NUMBER FROM THEIR ROSTER YEARS AGO. Just to be clear, the guy who has done these things for Oakland:

is now taking on the number of the guy who did these things for Oakland:

Not good, my friends, not good at all.

This development is even more disappointing because it looked as if Oakland was about to start something special. A competent coach and front office combo, an able defense, and even a (hopefully) talented quarterback! Heck, Ray Guy was nominated for Hall of Fame induction this year! Ray Guy! The most overlooked player in the history of the world! It was all smooth sailing in the Black Hole. Until Pryor had to go and put on the #2 jersey. Last year when asked why he didn’t wear his college number, Pryor replied that “Coach (Hue Jackson) won’t let me. I don’t know why”. You don’t know why?! I’ve got a few reasons!

I really hope this unfortunate turn won’t have a negative effect on the Raiders this season, but they really dug deep to undo any good mojo they had halfway through the preseason. Now their only saving grace may be punter Chris Kluwe’s book Beautifully Unique Sparkle Ponies (a must-read) and the triumphant return-to-the-field by rookie corner D.J. Hayden, which you can read about here and witness tonight at 10 p.m. eastern when Oakland takes on Chicago under the hopeful eye of Raider Nation. 

Are You Kidding Me?? Rants and Raves from The Redding Report

I’m going to cut to the chase on this one. I am not a happy camper. Recent developments in the NFL (and life) have ruined my day time and time again. While the No Fun League seeks to grow safer (read: softer) and the comic book world is treated to disappointment after disappointment, and we’re just supposed to lie down and take it?? Well I say nay, good people, nay I say! FREEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMM!!! FREEEEEDOOOOOOMM!! Also, if you don’t care about the comic book world, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Okay, so you’re probably wondering what the heck I’m even talking about and why I think I’m Mel Gibson all of a sudden. Well, I’ll tell you. Last night, I got the disturbing news that…you may want to sit down for this…Ben Affleck is going to be our next Batman! Are you kidding me? Don’t get me wrong here; I’m a big fan of Affleck. However, he has never done anything to make me think that he could portray Batman well. What’s he going to do, crack jokes on Two-Face and send his Boston street gang after the Joker? He wasn't such a great Daredevil, in case we all forgot. Unfortunately, I think DC is getting Marvel Syndrome. What’s Marvel Syndrome? It’s when you’re wildly successful and start to believe that you can do anything, literally anything, and maintain that success. Hence, the new Spider-Man really being Dock Ock in Spidey’s brain and Jamie Foxx being casted as Electro. Stage 4 Marvel Syndrome. Anyway, these last three Batman movies, followed by Man of Steel, were great because of great writing AND actors who seemed to fit perfectly into their roles. I think that ends here.

Outrageous, right?? And if you skipped that paragraph, welcome! There’s plenty of rant still left for you! Next up, Roger Goodell still insists that he is making America’s Game (football, NOT BASEBALL) safer. Are you kidding me?? First of all, we all know that a sport built on the pretense of grown, extremely muscular men running into each other at full speed is never going to be “safe”. It wasn’t supposed to be safe when they invented it, and it’s not supposed to be safe now. If common sense isn’t enough, we have real proof that the commish is doing nothing but ruining our game. Remember that great hit by Bears rookie Jon Bostic I showed you guys? He was fined $21,000 dollars for it. Which means that next time, he’ll aim lower to avoid that fine. I wonder what will happen when defensive players start hitting guys low to avoid penalties and fines…oh yeah! We already know! Dustin Keller may never play football again because D.J. Swearinger smashed his knees to a pulp. It’s not Swearinger’s fault, it’s Goodell’s. As the strike zone for defenders gets smaller and smaller, their only choice is to hit lower and lower to avoid losing money that they feed their families with. All these rules instated to supposedly protect receivers are really going to end up costing them their careers. In a season where we’ve seen so many players lost to knee injuries before Week 1, we can’t accept this from the commissioner.

Lightning Round:

·         I went online to buy a ticket to an upcoming concert and there was a 10 dollar service charge included in the price. Are you kidding me?? What service am I being charged for? The ability to use your website to give you money?

·         In Marvel’s new Spider-Man series, the Superior Spider-Man, ‘Ol Web head is really Dock Ock in Spidey’s body. Are you kidding me?? I really hope Stan Lee is unhappy with his life.

·         Grantland is doing a “Best Song of the 2000’s” poll, and in Round 1, Int’l Players Anthem lost to Paper Planes by M.I.A. Are you kidding me?? ANDRE 3000 WAS IN THAT SONG. That may have been the last straw for my faith in the American public.

·         Yesterday, as the Lions were putting quite a hurt on the Patriots in their pre-season matchup, a Detroit safety decided to get in Tom Brady’s face and tell him about it. Because they were winning a pre-season game. I’m not even upset; I just don’t understand why he thought this was okay.

Well folks, as you can see, the New England offense may not be in mid-season form but my rants certainly are. And don’t think I’m the only one who gets to have all the fun, hit me with your own rants in the comments section! I know you’ve got to be upset about something this week! Have a good weekend, and get ready to crack some brewskis in the Batcave. See ya!

Observations and Overreactions from Preseason Week 2

The second week of preseason action is officially in the books, and that means I’m freaking out! So many great plays! So many injuries! So many obvious indicators of a long, successful NFL career! The biggest media fire of the week, Tom Brady’s knee injury, was quelled after he went 11/12 for 107 yards and the first of many touchdowns to Danny Amendola. Speaking of Patriots quarterbacks, Ryan Mallett also impressed against the Buccaneers with a passing line of 12/20 for 137 yards and a score. Belicheck hasn’t said anything yet, but it’s clear Brady is playing for his job during this preseason with Mallett trailing closely behind. Bonus, I just had my first fantasy draft of the season so we’ll also see some fantasy overreactions, which are always fun.

If you drafted any Dolphins player on your fantasy team, get out now! Mark my words, this offense will not work without Dustin Keller. Without Keller going over the middle, there will be no reason for not to double and triple team Mike Wallace. Once the passing game breaks down, the other eight defenders will stack the box, shutting down the running game. Minus Keller’s additional blocking, the o-line will be overwhelmed time and time again; making Ryan Tannehill the league’s most sacked quarterback this season. The Dolphins are headed for a 0-16 season! Be sure to pick up Keller in the first round next year though, we’ve seen how these NFL-types recover from knee injuries.

Jarvis Jones is already Pittsburgh’s best defensive player! Poloma-who? Harri-what? Those names are no longer relevant in the Steel City, my friends, because Jarvis Jones has arrived. The former Georgia linebacker was impressive last week against New York, and he continued that work Monday in Washington. Jones forced this fumble and it was nothing new. His progress since being drafted is nothing short of remarkable and he will clearly have no trouble adjusting to this league. Speaking of awesome rookies, remember when I was raving about Jon Bostic last week? You’re welcome.

Any Broncos fans out there? Well, unless you’ve been around since the Elway days, I won’t blame you for jumping ship. Denver, the AFC champion favorite at the beginning of the preseason, isn’t doing so hot. Injured players include Louis Vasquez, Derek Wolfe (taken off the field in an ambulance), and new receiver Wes Welker. 40 points weren’t enough for the Seahawks; they added injury to insult (+5 for reverse cliché). And that’s not even the worse part! Yesterday it was reported that All-Pro linebacker Von Miller will likely receive a six-game suspension to start the season. As a Patriots fan, all of this makes me laugh (well, not the injuries, but you get the point). As a die-hard Broncos fan, my bro Chris is practically tearing his hair out. I love football.

What did you freak out over this week? Who was your first-round pick for your fantasy team? Need advice? Have advice? Don’t be afraid of that comments section! And as always, feel free to shoot me a line on Twitter (@GSRudy). Til next time!

Catastrophic #QuickTakes!

I know you’ve been eagerly awaiting more #QuickTakes! However, just a side note before we get to that, I recently got my 1,000^th view on my blog. Pretty sweet, right? I’d just like to thank all of you who read my ramblings for the support. Alright, without further ado!

1.      Tom Brady tweaked knee in practice- NOOOO NO OH GOD NO!!! WE’RE DOOMED! *sees the video of Nate Solder rolling into his knee* IT WAS POLLARD! BERNARD POLLARD POSSESSED NATE SOLDER!!

2.      Tom Brady is fine and will play Friday against the Bucs- Oh, um, maybe not then. Maybe Bernard Pollard can’t possess people

3.      Kendrick Lamar’s verse on Control- I felt like this

And then I realized the sad truth about that song: nobody will ever hear Jay Electronica’s verse, unfortunately placed after Kendrick’s. Nobody. Ever.

4.      Talking to my friend Sergio and realizing that I like everything about the Raiders- 

Well friends, that’s all for this edition of #QuickTakes. As you can see, it was quite a week for me. As always, I’d love to see your own #QuickTakes so flood the comments section or hit me up on Twitter (@GSRudy). ‘Til next time!

Will Terrelle Pryor Repeat (Very Recent) History?

Let me introduce you to a new verb I’ve created:

Russ [ruhs] verb, russed, russing

1.      To win the starting quarterback job over the high-priced free agent

2.      To accomplish an impressive feat despite being considered too small, etc.

Okay, let’s focus on that first definition. If you haven’t connected it by now, Russ comes from the name Russel Wilson, the Seahawk’s magical quarterback. Last year he beat out Matt Flynn for the starting job in Seattle, even though it was already considered Flynn’s job and the team had spent a lot of money to bring him in. So far, Flynn is the only quarterback to be Russed. A unique situation, yes, but something that deserved merit and preparation in case it happened again.

And that, my friends, brings me to the reason for this article. It looks like someone may be about to get Russed. That’s right, a young quarterback is poised to come from behind and snatch the first spot right out of that expensive free agent’s hands. This time, the young gun is Terelle Pryor. Now a couple of years removed from his days of glory at Ohio State, Pryor is a fan-favorite in Oakland even though he spent his first year sitting behind Carson Palmer, who the Raiders acquired from the Bengals in the worst trade ever. Literally in all areas of life, there has never been a worse trade. The Raiders have made some poor decisions, but, c’mon seriously? They…sorry. Back to Pryor.

At 6’’6’ and 240 pounds, Pryor is a hulk of a quarterback who was born to run the read option. Imagine if Colin Kaepernick wasn’t skinny and didn’t look like a muppet. Scary, right? Well, awesome if you threw the muppet part in there, but you get the point. However, Pryor still has much to improve and if he wants to Russ the man above him, he’ll have to show out in the preseason just like Wilson did. Who is that man above him, by the way? Oh, none other than Matt Flynn, the only man to ever be Russed and now possibly the only man to do it twice. Flynn isn’t lying down though, and the battle will likely rage through all four preseason games.

In Oakland’s 19-17 win over Dallas on Thursday, both quarterbacks had their moments, but Pryor shone a little brighter. He showed off his speed, big arm, and ability to escape a collapsing pocket, while Flynn took a 15-yard sack during his time on the field. Pryor showed mostly sound decision-making when it came to run-or-pass situations. However, there were a few times when he had an open running lane and tried to throw the ball into tight space instead, which led to the interception he threw in the end zone after leading Oakland on a good-looking drive. All very correctable mistakes, though. Overall, Pryor had 88 yards through the air and added 33 more on the ground.

One preseason is of course not the end-all, and Flynn could easily come back next week and have a flawless performance. The third act twist here is that rookie Matt McGloin was the only Raiders quarterback to throw a touchdown pass in that Dallas game, but I doubt he’s seriously in the starting job consideration. Unless he’s going to Russ both Flynn and Pryor. Russ-ception. Whoa. On a serious side, I have full confidence that Pryor can come out of this competition as QB1.

All of you Raiders fans out there be sure to support your boy Pryor these next three weeks, because they could very well make or break his career. Will Flynn get Russed a second time? Will the new Raiders regime make a good decision? Will my (Raiders fan) friend Sergio ever eat anything besides salad? All of this and more will become a little clearer on Friday, August 16^th when the Raiders take on the Saints. As always, the comments section welcomes you with open arms.

Observations and Overreactions from Preseason Week 1

Ah, the pre-season. A glorious time when every NFL fan breaks out their microscope and analyzes meaningless games way too much. Fantasy owners are changing their draft boards with every long touchdown pass to “who is that??” And here at the Redding Report, we’re no exception, over-reacting to anything and everything we possibly can. Won’t you join us?

The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl! They opened last night’s game against Philadelphia with a six-play scoring drive and NEVER EVEN THREW THE BALL. Then they scored again on their second drive, this time with Tom Brady repeatedly throwing to rookie receivers who clearly already have his utmost trust. Not to mention, LeGarrette Blount and Stevan Ridley are each going to rush for over 3,000 yards this season. In Philly they had 101 yards with a pair of scores, and 92 yards with a touchdown, respectively. Fantasy owners; don’t miss out on these steals!

The Cardinals are about to unleash the greatest defense of all time! Friday against Green Bay, Arizona’s defense pitched a perfect game in 17-0 win over the golden boys. And that was with Tyrann Mathieu playing with the SECOND team, where he did this. Once the Honey Badger gets moved up to the starting squad, no quarterback will ever complete a pass on the Mathieu-Peterson combo. Can you say 2000 Ravens?

Jon Bostic is already better than Brian Urlacher! In his first NFL game, the former Gator snatched a Cam Newton pass out of the air and took it 51 yards for a touchdown. What was Brian Urlacher doing last night? Watching Jon Bostic’s pick-six on T.V., that’s what. Isn't it obvious? Bostic wears 57, Urlacher's 56...plus 1. Advantage, Bostic.  

The Jets are doomed! This one is actually not an over-reaction. Mark Sanchez threw a pick and had a generally Sanchez-type game on Friday, but rookie Geno Smith played so bad that Rex Ryan said he didn’t even see Sanchini’s pick. On top of that, Geno added to his dismal performance by injuring his ankle and leaving the game. Sorry New Jersey, not this year.  

OUR LOVE HAS RETURNED, OUR FOOTBALL IS COME

Long have we toiled, patiently waiting for the return of our love. It seemed as though she might never come back, like she had finally moved on from us, never to be seen again. But slowly, surely, her form grew larger and larger on the horizon. And now, today, she is home. She is FOOTBALL!!

That’s right, football makes it triumphant return to your television tonight at 8:00 pm EST. that means for the first time in six months, a football game you have never seen before will be played. And on live television to boot! I don’t know if you’re as excited as I am, but if you’re not I’m sure I can turn mine up to make up for your slack. FOOTBALL IS BACK, PEOPLE.

It wasn’t so long ago that CBA disputes took away the game that signifies the end of our summer football drought, but now we can look forward to the 2013 season as the Cowboys and Dolphins face off in the Hall of Fame game. and by the way, congratulations to the Hall of Fame class of 2013, they were a very deserving bunch (except you, Parcells). Early reports are saying that Tony Romo will not play in tonight’s game, which makes it more likely that the Dolphins will win and be proclaimed AFC East champs one day into the preseason. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Enjoy the game, and try not to cry at kickoff, I know how the beauty can get to a guy. 

More #QuickTakes!

Guess what time it is? That’s right, time for more #QuickTakes! Don’t worry, we’ll get back on track with divisional analysis next week (only three divisions left!). Meanwhile, headlines wait for no man and for that reason, I bring you #QuickTakes.

1.      Riley Cooper using “N” word (hard R edition)- I’ll say this one time. George Zimmerman was acquitted because he was innocent. RILEY COOPER KILLED TRAYVON MARTIN. Also, his outfit and location at the time of these comments were definitely not a win for the Country community. 

2.      Greg Oden has signed with the Heat- When I heard this news, I was elated. However, I got a mental picture of Oden’s knees about two seconds later. Then a foreboding chill ran down my spine. Welcome to Miami, Greg!

3.      Greg Oden has signed with the Heat- When he heard this news, my cousin asked me (angrily) why the Heat are allowed to be so stacked. I have yet to hear any accusations like this against the Brooklyn Nets. Strange.

4.      A lot of ACL’s are tearing in the NFL- Apparently Bernard Pollard is back to his old job now that he’s an ex-Raven.

Thanks guys, this has been another edition of #QuickTakes. As always, the comments section awaits you and so does my twitter account (@GSRudy)!