Are You Kidding Me?? Rants and Raves from The Redding Report

I’m going to cut to the chase on this one. I am not a happy camper. Recent developments in the NFL (and life) have ruined my day time and time again. While the No Fun League seeks to grow safer (read: softer) and the comic book world is treated to disappointment after disappointment, and we’re just supposed to lie down and take it?? Well I say nay, good people, nay I say! FREEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMM!!! FREEEEEDOOOOOOMM!! Also, if you don’t care about the comic book world, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Okay, so you’re probably wondering what the heck I’m even talking about and why I think I’m Mel Gibson all of a sudden. Well, I’ll tell you. Last night, I got the disturbing news that…you may want to sit down for this…Ben Affleck is going to be our next Batman! Are you kidding me? Don’t get me wrong here; I’m a big fan of Affleck. However, he has never done anything to make me think that he could portray Batman well. What’s he going to do, crack jokes on Two-Face and send his Boston street gang after the Joker? He wasn't such a great Daredevil, in case we all forgot. Unfortunately, I think DC is getting Marvel Syndrome. What’s Marvel Syndrome? It’s when you’re wildly successful and start to believe that you can do anything, literally anything, and maintain that success. Hence, the new Spider-Man really being Dock Ock in Spidey’s brain and Jamie Foxx being casted as Electro. Stage 4 Marvel Syndrome. Anyway, these last three Batman movies, followed by Man of Steel, were great because of great writing AND actors who seemed to fit perfectly into their roles. I think that ends here.

Outrageous, right?? And if you skipped that paragraph, welcome! There’s plenty of rant still left for you! Next up, Roger Goodell still insists that he is making America’s Game (football, NOT BASEBALL) safer. Are you kidding me?? First of all, we all know that a sport built on the pretense of grown, extremely muscular men running into each other at full speed is never going to be “safe”. It wasn’t supposed to be safe when they invented it, and it’s not supposed to be safe now. If common sense isn’t enough, we have real proof that the commish is doing nothing but ruining our game. Remember that great hit by Bears rookie Jon Bostic I showed you guys? He was fined $21,000 dollars for it. Which means that next time, he’ll aim lower to avoid that fine. I wonder what will happen when defensive players start hitting guys low to avoid penalties and fines…oh yeah! We already know! Dustin Keller may never play football again because D.J. Swearinger smashed his knees to a pulp. It’s not Swearinger’s fault, it’s Goodell’s. As the strike zone for defenders gets smaller and smaller, their only choice is to hit lower and lower to avoid losing money that they feed their families with. All these rules instated to supposedly protect receivers are really going to end up costing them their careers. In a season where we’ve seen so many players lost to knee injuries before Week 1, we can’t accept this from the commissioner.

Lightning Round:

·         I went online to buy a ticket to an upcoming concert and there was a 10 dollar service charge included in the price. Are you kidding me?? What service am I being charged for? The ability to use your website to give you money?

·         In Marvel’s new Spider-Man series, the Superior Spider-Man, ‘Ol Web head is really Dock Ock in Spidey’s body. Are you kidding me?? I really hope Stan Lee is unhappy with his life.

·         Grantland is doing a “Best Song of the 2000’s” poll, and in Round 1, Int’l Players Anthem lost to Paper Planes by M.I.A. Are you kidding me?? ANDRE 3000 WAS IN THAT SONG. That may have been the last straw for my faith in the American public.

·         Yesterday, as the Lions were putting quite a hurt on the Patriots in their pre-season matchup, a Detroit safety decided to get in Tom Brady’s face and tell him about it. Because they were winning a pre-season game. I’m not even upset; I just don’t understand why he thought this was okay.

Well folks, as you can see, the New England offense may not be in mid-season form but my rants certainly are. And don’t think I’m the only one who gets to have all the fun, hit me with your own rants in the comments section! I know you’ve got to be upset about something this week! Have a good weekend, and get ready to crack some brewskis in the Batcave. See ya!