Okay folks; try to contain your
excitement. Actually, don’t contain it at all. Shout to the heavens! Do a few
heel clicks! There are only seven days left until the NFL season kicks off! Only
seven days left! It’s been a long, long summer, but finally the one true sport
has returned. In honor of what will surely be the longest week of the year,
here are seven predictions about the upcoming season. Disclaimer: several
statements may, and probably will, be grossly over-exaggerated. Enjoy.
1. Tom Brady will win a third NFL MVP
award. It’s true. The set-up is perfect. All summer long, analysts have been
counting my Patriots out because of a drop-off in superstar personnel. Some even
said they’d be overthrown in the AFC East! Have you seen the AFC East?? Brady,
with the help of his rookie receivers and undrafted tight end, will quiet the
speculators handily on his way to another MVP season.
2. Adrian Peterson will not rush for 2,500
yards in 2013. In fact, he’ll have 3,000. I know, I know it sounds crazy. But do
me two favors. First, watch the highlight tape of AP’s 2012 season. Then,
realize that he does this before every game. "Your calculations, did they predict that Adrian would be a Super Saiyan?":
3. Kenbrell Thompkins will be the
Offensive Rookie of the Year. Wondering who this guy is? He’s Tom Brady’s new best friend. This isn’t just my Patriots bias choosing Thompkins over Tavon Austin. Austin
is mighty talented, but his quarterback is Sam Bradford. Sorry, Tavon. At least
you’re in better shape than your college quarterback.
4. Roger Goodell will instate a rule
outlawing any hits to receivers that do not land directly in their upper
midsection, resulting in no quarterback throwing for less than 5,000 yards and
Calvin Johnson achieving the first 4,000 yard season for a receiver in NFL
history.
5. The NFC West will send three teams to
the playoffs. That’s right, three teams from the once-scourge of the NFC. We all
know the Seahawks and 49ers will be consistent playoff participants for years,
if only for the benefit of Madden. Who will the third team be? Don’t worry
about that right now, just remember what I said when January comes.
6. Robert Griffin III will start all 16
games. Somehow we began to look at RG3 as injury-prone quarterback. That’s a
misconception. Once the knee heals, he will take his reputation back and maybe
even Offensive Player of the Year honors with it.
7. Okay, here it is. My official Super
Bowl prediction. This February, the Seahawks and Patriots will face off in MetLife
Stadium. Tom Brady wins his fourth ring on Eli’s home field and then sets fire
to New York.
There you have it, seven things to
ponder while you await the beginning of our most beloved time of the year. Oh,
what’s that? You thought I forgot, didn’t you? Or did you forget? I know Jerry
forgot. Well friends, as an added bonus to our football appetites, the college
season begins this Saturday! Only three days from now! You know the drill
1. The Florida Gators will unseat the
Crimson Tide. Last year, a few costly turnovers against Georgia kept the Gators
out of the SEC Championship and saved Alabama from fate. Not this year.
2. Marquis Lee will be the top receiver in
college football. Non-negotiable, end of story.
3. I’m not even going to predict a
National Champion. The College Playoff System will most likely drive us all to
madness in its first year of practice. However, if I were to predict a
champion, it’d be Florida. Just saying.
Well friends, I hope these
predictions can keep you from insanity while we wait for the football to
start. Don’t forget, there are still preseason
games today, starting at 7:30 eastern. Most of the starters will see little or
no action, but hey, Terrelle Pryor is getting his first start tonight against the
Seahawks. And Rex Ryan will probably play all of his starters into the third
quarter, so there’s that. Let me hear your predictions! Tweet me at @GSRudy and, as always, the comments section awaits.
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