TODAY FOLKS! TODAY! Can you believe
that tonight we’ll actually be able to watch a meaningful NFL game?? Counting
towards playoffs positioning and everything, I mean this thing is for real! Which
means, by the way, that you all need to be sure to check your fantasy lineups.
You may want to sit any Packers you own as they’ll be taking on the best
defense in the NFL, in their own house, in primetime, in the season opener. So,
you know, the Seahawks might be just a little jacked up for this game.
Just like Tuesday, we’ll be
predicting the division winners, playoff teams, statistical leaders, individual
award winners, and Super Bowl attendee of the National Conference. These calls
will be a little harder to make because the NFC is loaded with gunslinger
quarterbacks, inhuman receivers, and punishing defenses. Every NFC division
should be loaded with high drama this season and the Wild West will be an
all-out brawl that even the Rams might get in on. I’m ready to start being
right about stuff, but first…a segment we like to call “Welcome to the NFL,
Michael Sam”.
Welcome to the NFL, Michael Sam
Back in April, before the draft,
Michael Sam made himself a walking storyline by revealing himself to be a
homosexual. By becoming history’s first openly gay football player, Sam
instantly grabbed the attention of the entire nation. In the process, many
spectators forgot that playing in the NFL takes more than non-stop media
coverage. Sam was drafted in the sixth round, and subsequently released this
past weekend by the St. Louis Rams. There were a lot of people (all who don’t
know the difference between a touchdown and a homerun, I assume) who were in
uproar over Sam’s release. I, however, applaud the Rams. No matter what Sam
does when he goes home, the NFL isn’t going to change and that means he’ll have
to earn what he wants. Sam signed on with Dallas’ practice squad today and if
he can earn a starting job in the future, more power to him. The NFL has always
been about hard work over a good story and that’s not going to change anytime
soon.
Hey, journalists are just people who
think their opinions are better than everyone else’s. Hate the game. Anyway,
I’m ready to predict stuff! We’ll have to put the pedal to the metal today
because I’ve got three weeks’ worth of laundry to do and a music gig at the
mall. Let it begiiiiiin!
Division Winners
NFC East: This
division is a toss-up every year, usually because all four teams have an 8-8
record. However, the winds of change are blowing in the NFC East this season.
Washington and that other team in new jersey are likely finishing their season
at the bottom of the barrel, but Philadelphia and Dallas have the feel of
legitimate playoff contenders. Tony Romo, Dez Bryant, Demarco Murray, and
Terrance Williams are ready to torch defenses all over the league. Chip Kelly’s
fast-flying Eagles are out to prove that their debut season was no fluke, but
it remains to be seen how the machine will run without Desean Jackson. I’m
giving the advantage to the Cowboys.
NFC South: Last
season Riverboat Ron’s gambling Panthers took the NFC South by storm in an
amazing worst-to-first effort. However, I wouldn’t expect them to hold court at
the top. Nobody has repeated as NFC South division champion since about 2006.
Every year a different team comes out on top (except the Bucs, of course) and I
don’t expect that to change now. The Falcons may be on a revenge tour from
their humiliating, injury-ridden, 2-14 campaign in 2013, but I’m giving this
one to the Saints. New Orleans added star safety Jarius Byrd in the offseason
to pair with the young playmaker Kenny Vaccaro which will make their already
formidable defense even more adept at stopping the pass-happy offenses they’ll
see in the NFC.
NFC North: The
race for the NFC North crown will be one of the most exciting storylines we’re
treated to this season. Featuring three of the league’s premier strong-arm
quarterbacks (Jay Cutler, Matt Stafford, Aaron Rodgers) and four of the most
unstoppable receivers in the game (Megatron, Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffery,
Jordy Nelson), there will be no shortage of ridiculous highlights when the
Bears, Packers, and Lions take the field. With Josh Morgan, Martellus Bennett,
and Matt Forte added to the mix, Chicago definitely has the most complete
offense. They’ve been in the habit of narrowly conceding the crown to Green Bay
in recent years, but I’m putting my faith in Cutler and the Boys (ya know, if
they ever formed a band) to control the North this season.
NFC W(B)est: The
competition in the NFC’s wild, wild west will likely be the closest contest
when the end of the season comes around, but it may look differently than most
of you are expecting. Because of the dramatic battle for the NFC Championship
between the Seahawks and 49ers last year, they are commonly perceived as the
two top teams in the conference, and rightfully so. However, offseason movement
and natural regression may have actually produced an alternative result. The
Arizona Cardinals missed the playoffs with a 10-6 record last season, but
something tells me they won’t be denied a second time. Carson Palmer has
resurged as a top-flight starter, and having the league’s best cornerback
(Patrick Peterson) and a freakishly talented young safety (Tyrann Mathieu)
lurking in your secondary doesn’t hurt when you’re trying to stop the likes of
Aaron Rodgers and Tony Romo. Nobody’s taking this division from Seattle any
time soon, but expect the Cardinals to be on their heels.
Playoff Spots
1. Seattle Seahawks
2. New Orleans Saints
3. Chicago Bears
4. Dallas Cowboys
5. Arizona Cardinals
6. Green Bay Packers
It was
hard to leave the 49ers, Eagles, Lions, Falcons, and Panthers off of this list.
Let it be a testament to how stacked the NFC is. I’m pretty confident about
everything I ever say, obviously, but let’s just say I have a lot more faith in
my predictions for the AFC. The talent gap between the American and National
conferences is beginning to resemble the NFL of the 80’s and early 90’s when
the NFC won 13 straight Super Bowl titles, and not by a slim margin.
Stats Leaders
Passing Leaders
1. Aaron Rodgers- 5,564 yards (47 TD)
2. Matt Stafford- 5,400 (35 TD)
3. Jay Cutler- 5,100 yards (42 TD)
Romo and
Brees will likely put up numbers right in the same neighborhood as these guys,
but I think I’ve picked the cream of the crop. Cutler barely edged out Brees
because he’ll have four dynamic receivers plus Matt Forte catching passes from
the backfield, while Brees will be adjusting to life without Darren Sproles.
Rushing Leaders
1. LeSean McCoy- 1,750 yards (19 TD)
2. Marshawn Lynch- 1,530 yards (16 TD)
3. Demarco Murray- 1,400 yards (17 TD)
4. Andre Ellington- 1,377 yards (15 TD)
Now I
know this list went four-deep as opposed to the standard like every other
category, but I had to mention Andre Ellington. Ellington was a workhorse for
the Cardinals last season and is looking to increase his production as he
returns to the feature back role. Ellington will be a fantasy steal for many
owners this year, and has a real chance to prove himself among the other NFC
bell-cows.
Receiving Leaders
1. Calvin Johnson- 2,300 yards (15 TD)
2. Dez Bryant- 1,590 yards (11 TD)
3. Alshon Jeffery- 1,440 yards (9 TD)
My
projections for Megatron probably seem a little ambitious, but I just don’t
know what to anticipate now that he’ll have a legitimate second receiver to
relieve him of the triple coverage he’s been seeing for the past few years.
Either way, I’m confident that he’ll lead the league in both receiving yards
and receiving touchdowns. It’s a good bet that Johnson will lead the NFL in
“MY. GOD.” catches this season as well.
Interceptions
1. Patrick Peterson- 8
2. Earl Thomas- 6
3. Lavonte David- 6
Individual Awards
MVP: Aaron Rodgers
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Ka’deem Carey
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Anthony Barr
Offensive Player of the Year: Reggie Bush
Defensive Player of the Year: Earl Thomas
Comeback Player of the Year: Tyrann Mathieu
There it is! A whole bunch of stuff for me to gloat about in January. A mulligan
from our AFC predictions, I absent-mindedly named Sammy Watkins as my candidate
for Offensive Rookie of the Year. Actually I’m throwing the gauntlet to Blake
Bortles and Derek Carr, the AFC’s promising rookie quarterbacks who should be
starting week 1 for their teams. My bad. Oh, and I almost forgot…the Seahawks
are definitely going back to the Super Bowl! I hope you weren’t kept in too
much suspense about that one. Be sure to catch them in action tonight on NBC as
they host the Packers. Football is back, baby! And it never looked so good.
Until next time!
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