Okay, so let’s just get right to
this. On Monday I left town for a camping trip and I didn’t take my phone
charger (I’m a wild man, naturally). This meant that I would have to turn my
phone on and off at strategic intervals in order to save enough battery to
follow the Patriots game. I wasn’t worried. Carolina scored first, but we were
moving the ball well and kept pace the entire time. Needless to say, I was
stressing when I turned on my phone to see that we were down by four points
with only 40 seconds left in the game. On the other hand, this is where Tom
Brady lives! I was confident that we would pull out the win. Well, you probably
know by now that we didn’t pull out that win, though we came close. On my
Sportscenter app it simply said “Tom Brady pass to Rob Gronkowski
**INTERCEPTED**”. What it did not say was “Rob Gronkowski mauled by a bear in
the form of Luke Keuchly, referees make the worst call in NFL history”. No, I didn’t
find that out until Wednesday. Week ruined. Twice.
Sorry, I just had to get all of that
out. Anyway, you’re probably wondering why I’m calling this article an
extravaganza. Well, that’s because I’m going to combine my weekly picks, the
Redding Report MVP Watch™, some personal ramblings, maybe even the Interception
Weekly, into one article! Are you guys ready for this?? I hope somebody said
yes, because I most certainly am not. Let’s get into it!
Hey, did you know that Tom Brady and
Peyton Manning are facing off this week? I mean, you probably hadn’t heard
about it so I just wanted to let you guys know. We’ll talk more about that
later, but let’s knock out the picks for this coming week first. Projected will
still be in bold, if you can believe
that.
Ø If you thought that the Falcons were
going to beat the Saints, I just
said a prayer for your mental health.
Ø The Jets narrowly edge out Baltimore for the team I hate most in the
NFL, and I also think they’ll edge the crows this Sunday.
Ø I just picked up Cleveland’s defense for one of my fantasy teams, so you tell me if I’m
counting on Pittsburgh to win.
Ø Tampa Bay has managed to show some
glimmers of hope, but I don’t think Detroit
will allow them to pull an upset with NFC North dominance on the line.
Ø You never know what you’ve got til’
it’s gone, eh Packers fans? I think Minnesota
hands them a fourth-straight loss.
Ø Contrary to Cleveland’s defense, I saw
Houston’s defense on my waiver wire
and really had to sit there for about ten minutes considering it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jacksonville beat
Houston, but then why ruin such great draft position?
Ø Okay picture this. One year, you hit
a growth spurt and suddenly you’re stronger than ever. You’re beating up all
the kids who use to bully you, showing everyone whose boss. Then you invite the
entire neighborhood to watch you beat up your older brother, but he pounds you
just like always. That’s how the Chiefs
feel. It’s probably safe to say that they’re pissed. Sorry Chargers, you’re in
for a long day.
Ø As I’ve been trying to tell everyone
since the beginning of the season, the Panthers
are a real contender, mostly thanks to their defense. The Dolphins, on the
other hand, well let’s just say not too many teams could shock me by beating
the Chargers
Ø You know, I really can’t call this
one for certain. Chicago’s offense isn’t the same without Jay Cutler, and their
defense isn’t the lockdown unit it once was. St. Louis is boasting a beastly
pass rush and the best fantasy pickup of the season, Zac Stacy. Am I…picking…the
Rams…to win…a game? *punches self in
face*
Ø Speaking of underrated NFC West
teams, I think Arizona is going to
knock off the Colts this weekend. Andrew Luck has one good receiving option,
and Patrick Peterson will be happy to take him out of the game.
Ø I really want to pick Oakland over
Tennessee, but the Raiders have let me down every time I’ve gotten behind them
this season (except the Chargers late-late-night special of course). I’m going
to pick Tennessee in hopes that it will reverse-jinx Oakland.
Ø The Eagles somehow claimed the top
spot in the NFC East last week, which means Dallas is in a really tight spot. Which
is usually when Tony Romo makes it even worse for them. Another win for Eli and the “Hey, we won the Super Bowl
twice! No, seriously!”s.
Ø I benched Alfred Morris for Pierre
Thomas this week. Why? Well, for one, Darren Sproles was inactive, but also
because Frisco has a superb run
defense. Without a ground game to set the tone, RG3 will continue to struggle.
Okay, it’s about that time, the preview
to Brady vs. Manning XIV, because apparently these matchups have now
transcended regular numbers. Earlier this week I posted this question on my
Facebook page: In your opinion, who has had the better career: Tom Brady or
Peyton Manning? The consensus seemed to be that Tom Brady was the superior by
virtue of his better post-season resume, but others argued that Super Bowl
rings were not the end-all argument. Peyton supporters pointed out that he
bests Tom in most statistical categories, while I threw in that Brady’s win
percentage is the best in NFL history. Either way you slice it, these two
quarterbacks have shaped the identity of the NFL for over a decade almost by
sheer force of will. No matter who wins on Sunday night, we as spectators win.
But also, the Patriots are going to
win and Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback in the history of the world.
Redding Report MVP Watch™ as of Week
11
1. Mission Bay Buccaneers Defense- You’ve
never heard of any of these guys, but last night they played the game of their
lives. Don’t worry, you’ll hear plenty more about them later.
2. Clete Blakeman- Blakeman strode out
on the field at the end the Patriots game on Monday night, announced that there
was no pass interference penalty after all, and ran off of the field. Truly
shouldering the whole Panthers squad.
3. Marshawn Lynch- The Seahawks are the
best team in the league, and Marshawn Lynch is the driving force behind their
success. Now, of course Football’s Messiah Russell Wilson lends his magic, but
every magician needs a very real assistant.
4. Cincinnati Bengals Defense- The
Bengals’ defense had their second 30 point game for my fantasy team, and
(questionably) more importantly, lifted Cincy past division-lurkers the Browns
with two touchdowns in the second quarter.
5. Matt McGloin- McGloin had three
touchdowns in his relief of Terrelle Pryor, making the Raiders appear as if
they are still a competent football team.
This Week in Interceptions: Surprise!
That’s what the whole intro to this article was about. C’mon folks, you have to
keep up with me.
Expert Fantasy Football Advice from a
Fantasy Football Expert
·
The
Raiders haven’t exactly been a fantasy points factory this season, but you can
count on running back Rashad Jennings to keep producing. Why? Oakland doesn’t
have anyone else to hand the ball to.
·
Had
I written this article yesterday, I would have screamed at you to SIT DARREN
SPROLES BECAUSE HE’S HURT AND PLAY PIERRE THOMAS. Pierre Thomas is a great play
until Sproles returns, and maybe even after.
·
If
you need a defense this week, chances are your friends haven’t picked up on
Cleveland’s potential yet. Swoop that, bro. Swoop that.
Mission Bay
Buccaneers Road to CIF
So if you missed us last week, I have
added a feature for my high school alma mater, Mission Bay High, as they try to
cap their 9-1 season with a CIF Championship. Last week they ran over Brawley
and last night they defeated defending state champs and longtime rival Madison
21-18. In a hard-fought,
as-suspenseful-as-I-could-handle-without-going-into-cardiac-arrest, emotional
affair, the Bucs scored a touchdown late in the fourth quarter and held Madison’s
offense on the doorstep of the end zone to win the game, with me waving the
team’s rain-soaked flag in the background. Mission Bay will now advance to the
third round of the playoffs. Also, a special shout-out to #50 of the Madison
Warhawks for doing his best Richie Incognito impression and giving us all a
target for which to focus our adrenaline-induced hatred. We got, as they would
say, the last laugh.
There you have it folks, you survived
our first-ever Redding Report Football Extravaganza! In all likelihood it will
not be the last time we publish one of these, so don’t let yourself get
comfortable. One day, when I have my life back, I’ll do multiple articles per
week, but that’s just wishful thinking for now. Until next time!
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