Hello again, folks! I hope you didn’t
see your team on that list we went through last time. If you did, don’t sweat
it. Just dig your heels in and know that you’re going to need to be invested
for the long haul, because you’re not likely to see the promised land any time
soon. Moving right along, we’ve got A LOT to talk about, my friends! The
pre-season is in full swing and there’s been no shortage of excitement
surrounding the first football action we’ve seen since the Seahawks made the
Broncos look like a high school scout team (I should know, I was a scout team
superstar).
Now of course, I promised that my
writing leading up to the season wouldn’t be the same old dribble drabble that
reporters fill the airways with until the games actually count for something.
Nay, I say! Even while the last fourth-string long snapper is fighting his
roster spot, my writing shall remain just as inspired as if I were describing
the pivotal moment of the Super Bowl. With that being said, I have a great idea
to share with you guys. Last week I went to a spoken word event called Rhetoric
and it was amazing. I went last year with a few friends, but this year we took
a big group and the poets were marginally better. Long story short, I felt
poetry’s inspiration in my bones and I thought, “I should use poems to preview
the NFL season!” Genius, right??
So, here’s how this works: as we
highlight some of the top fantasy players to watch and such on every team (AFC
today, NFC next) there will be an accompanying poem that conveys my thoughts on
each team heading into the regular season. Haikus, sonnets, we’ll have it all!
This is totally going to be a thing next year, “Peter King’s 2015 NFL Poetry
Preview”. All the big writers will follow suit, mark my words.
This summer I spent three weeks
volunteering at a youth camp in Arizona, where I met some spectacular people.
They were kind and caring, and ultimately we became a tight-knit family.
However, we’ve now formed a 12-team fantasy league and the trash talk is
flowing. Our draft is in a few days so I’m trying to find the best sleepers to
pick up in those late rounds. You’ve probably found yourself in a similar boat
so hopefully I can be of some assistance. Let’s do this!
Alright, let’s start with the hard
stuff. Fantasy options for the Oakland Raiders. Perplexingly, Oakland allowed
their leading rusher and possibly best offensive weapon, Rashad Jennings, walk
in free agency and re-signed Darren McFadden. McFadden has been inconsistent
since he arrived in Oakland, though he often shows flashes of greatness. The
only player in silver and black that I can really recommend for your fantasy
team is Denarius Moore. Moore is a fast, big-play receiver with great hands
that caught five touchdowns last year with a dismal quarterback situation.
However, his apparent lack of work ethic could keep him off of the field this
year, so honestly just pray that you don’t find yourself depending on any
Raider to win games this year. Okay, here goes…
The August wind, it is a
Raider
The crazy fans, they dress
like Vader
Our quarterback can’t win in
the playoffs
Our running back’s a bust to
top it off
But our raucous cheering
you’ll still here
We’ve accepted that winning
is nowhere near
How are we doing? Pretty good? We
have 15 more of these things to knock out, so let’s get to it. Staying in the
AFC West, the Kansas City Chiefs have a few obvious fantasy studs. However,
what happens when Jamaal Charles is off the board three picks in and you’re
sitting at 11? KC’s defense may actually be their third-best fantasy option.
The Chief’s defenders managed 21 interceptions and 7 touchdowns last season.
They were the top-scoring defense in NFL.com fantasy, edging out Seattle by
nine points. Not to mention that return yards count towards a D/ST unit in most
leagues and DeAnthony Thomas has already made a statement as Kansas City’s new
return man. This group saved me in plenty a close game last year.
Alex Smith says he’s as good
as the rest
Jamaal Charles just might be
the best
We’re in a division that’s
really quite daunting
And that playoffs breakdown
may still be haunting
But our coach and his
moustache sure do have a plan
And success in January might
soon be at hand
I’m not getting paid to write poetry,
okay? I’m actually not being paid at all, but we’re going to move right along.
In San Diego, there have been concerns about the roster security of receiver
Vincent Brown, who I saw pulling into his driveway last night. Okay, that
doesn’t matter; I just wanted to acknowledge that I saw Vincent Brown at his
house (and have met him a few times). The real story out of Chargers camp has
been rookie running back Branden Oliver. Oliver has shown the strength, speed,
and ball security to be a three-down back, but it will be hard for him to get
playing playing time amongst incumbents Ryan Mathews and Danny Woodhead. We’ll
keep a keen eye on that developing situation. Because I live in San Diego, I
don’t know how nationally-known Keenan Allen is, but he absolutely should have
been last season’s Offensive Rookie of the Year. If your friends are ignorant
about Allen’s ability, take advantage of that and grab him in the third or
fourth round. You’ll be glad that you did.
75 and sunny, the Chargers
smile for a reason
Their fans carry banners
that read “Next Season”
Phillip Rivers has redeemed
himself with force
But can these players stay
McCoy’s course?
Last season, my buddy Joseph was
raving about Julius Thomas all through the preseason and telling us about how
Thomas was his fantasy sleeper. He went on and about Thomas’ fantasy potential
and all the point he was going to score for Joseph’s team. None of us believed
him and, well, we were certainly wrong. So shout out to you, Joseph. At this
point, I don’t know that it’s even possible for the Broncos to have a sleeper
on their team. Everyone will be looking to snatch up Peyton’s receivers just as
quick as they can. However, don’t be afraid to pick up Emmanuel Sanders. His
speed and excellent route-running will make him a favorite of Manning’s in no
time. Knowshon Moreno’s departure means more touches for Montee Ball, but
should he disappoint be sure to have Ronnie Hillman on standby.
Record after record the old
man broke
Words like “greatest” were
often spoke
Talib took a dirty hit from
little Welker
But Darelle Revis don’t play
that
I know the end to that poem was a
little abrupt, but seriously, Denver’s going to have to do more than take out one
guy to beat the Patriots this season. Any who, let’s hop on over to the AFC
North, shall we? Last season I took a chance on Steelers running back Le’Veon
Bell, and I was NOT disappointed. In Week 16 he racked up 124 yards and a
touchdown on the Packers, just barely saving my skin in the playoffs. This kid
is dependable and always seemed to get the points I needed to pull out a win.
However, his production could be affected by Pittsburgh’s signing of LeGarrette
Blount this summer. Blount may be seeing a lot more touches near the goal line
that Bell would have taken last year, so that’s definitely something to watch
out for before you commit an early pick to Bell.
Big Ben and Co. aren’t quite
the same
It’s been a few years since
they reached the Big Game
Cincinnati is primed to rule
the region
So Tomlin will have to
inspire a great season
In Cleveland, it’s hard to know who
will even be playing when the regular season starts. An influx of free agents
and draft picks has thrown many of their positions up in the air. However, one
thing you can be sure of in Cleveland is Jordan Cameron. Despite catching
passes from three different quarterbacks last season, Jordan had 917 yards and
seven touchdowns for the Browns. Four of those scores came in the first three
weeks of the season, before Brian Hoyer was injured. With Hoyer now healthy and
the best the Browns have (in my opinion), Cameron should go right back to his
scoring ways. Josh Gordon’s status is in flux, but should he play this season,
grab him early. That man is from another planet.
“God hates Cleveland”, goes
the saying
Will it change with Johnny
playing?
Will he play past hangover
pains?
Or maybe just flush his
talent down the drain
Start B Hoyer if you want to
win
And pray that he doesn’t get
injured again
Anything that’s happened in Ravens
camp this summer has been rightfully overshadowed by the Ray Rice controversy.
The man was recorded dragging his wife, who he had knocked out, out of an
elevator. He’s been suspended for two games. Josh Gordon was caught with
marijuana. He’s currently appealing a year-long suspension. Quite a head
scratcher, if you ask me. Before I get all riled up, let’s talk receivers.
Steve Smith is now in Baltimore and his physical style should translate well,
but I think Marlon Brown is poised to break out this year. Smith may not be
able to play every game and Torrey Smith will be spending the rest of his days
in double coverage. Brown had 524 yards and 7 touchdowns in 2013 while breaking
the Ravens’ franchise rookie record for TD catches. Dennis Pitta, referred to
as “the white tight end” by Terrell Suggs, is a dependable tight end option and
one of Flacco’s favorite targets.
Tis’ a visitor knocking at
your door
He’s asking why you don’t
win so much anymore
Your star back’s been
hitting more than the weights
And your defense is no
longer filled with the greats
Those shiny rings were not
won so far off
Can Flacco take you back to
the top?
Last offseason I predicted that the
Bengals would be sitting atop the AFC North come January, and sure enough, the
Red Rifle had led his team to an 11-5 record and a division crown. Literally 3
minutes ago I dropped Ben Roethlisberger from NFL.com team in favor of Andy
Dalton. I believe in this kid. Be on the lookout for Mohamed Sanu. He stepped
up when needed last season and has had strong showings so far in training camp
and the preseason. With Marvin Jones out until at least Week 5, Sanu will have
plenty of opportunity to prove himself. He shouldn’t be any higher than your
third receiver though, not unless he has a 100 yard game in Week 1. Gio Bernard
should already be on your fantasy radar, but just in case he’s not, CHECK OUT
GIO BERNARD. He’s set to have more touches in near the goal line this year,
which is music to the ears of a fantasy owner. Don’t sleep on him. The Bengals defense is definitely a great unit to grab, too. They saved me in plenty a pinch last season.
Gather round children,
here’s the legend of a man
His hair was like a tiger’s
and they feared his right hand
Some say it was a rifle,
some called it cannon
But when he went to the
playoffs, he just couldn’t beat the Texans
At the camp I mentioned earlier, I
met a few people from Tennessee. They were awesome and actually almost convinced me to
move there. I’ve heard from many a soul that certain parts of the state are
“heaven on earth”, but I definitely wouldn’t recommend that any of them buy
Titans season tickets. Jake Locker was exciting when he first came into the
league, but now we’re all wondering if he’s ever going to be anything more than
surprisingly athletic. Tennessee’s pretty dismal offensively and defensively,
and don’t really have much going for them. However, keep your eye on
second-year receiver Justin Hunter. Hunter had 111 yards and 2 touchdowns, on
ONLY FOUR RECEPTIONS. Need I say more? Other than that, I can’t really
recommend going anywhere near the Titans this fantasy season.
I’m not sure that I have too
much to say
Munchak’s gotta teach these
boys how to play
Put in Zach Mettenberger!
The Jaguars probably won’t be winning
too many games this season, but they might actually be a surprise fantasy gold
mine. Blake Bortles has made a strong case thus far to be the starter come Week
1, and it’s just announced that he is getting first-team reps for the first
time this week. Should Bortles become the starter, he will make consistent
tight end Marcedes Lewis even more attractive. A big tight end with good hands
is a rookie quarterback’s best friend. Marqise Lee could have a big season if
he figures out NFL coverages quickly enough, and Toby Gerhart should shine now
that he’s out of AP’s shadow. However, keep in mind that these are the Jaguars
we’re talking about, people.
The Jaguars suffer another
loss on the field
Gus Bradley says “We can
build!”
Denard Robinson was a great
quarterback
Now they tell him to take
the punts back
If Bortles can’t do it, then
what do ya know
The fans will start
screaming for TEBOW!
Houston may not be the (sort of)
contenders they’ve been in recent years, but that doesn’t mean they can’t help
your fantasy team make the playoffs. Ryan Fitzpatrick may be their starting
quarterback, but not even he can impede the ridiculous talents of Andre Johnson
and second-year star DeAndre Hopkins. Those two may be spending a lot of time
in blanket coverage this year, so look for DeVier Posey to be the beneficiary
in the slot. Arian Foster should be seeing a lot more touches this year,
especially if nobody can develop into a suitable backup with Ben Tate now in
Cleveland. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but McDonald’s has to put “hot”
labels on coffee so…DO NOT AT ANY TIME FOR ANY REASON PUT RYAN FITZPATRICK ON
YOUR TEAM. DON’T DO IT, MAN.
Arian Foster rules the
Twitter-verse
Fitz-magic is something more
like a curse
Watt and Clowney put QB’s in
a hearse
Is Andre Johnson losing that
extra burst?
Here’s a general rule of thumb in
Indianapolis: don’t touch the running backs. The Colts probably haven’t had a
legit, game-changing man in the backfield since Edgerrin James. After being
signed by Indy last year, Trent Richardson averaged about 3 yards per carry. Let’s
talk about something else before I get depressed. Reggie Wayne should be the
consistent, reliable receiver he always is, but the real prize here is T.Y. Hilton.
I sat Hilton against the Seahawks in Week 5 and he burned them for 140 yards
and two touchdowns. THE SEAHAWKS. The Colts have used Hilton all over the field
this summer, including their preseason game against the Jets. T.Y. is poised to
be an absolute fantasy monster this year.
The Colts got Lucky once
again
The Chiefs’ turnover
troubles did them in
Indy couldn’t match up with
Brady and his Pats
But the Texans may never
take the South back
Home stretch, folks! There are quite
a few fantasy studs residing in the AFC East, so let’s get the trash out of the
way. The Jets (who I strongly considered not writing about) have uncertainty
surrounding almost every offensive position. Whether Geno Smith or Michael Vick
earns the starting job, their group of receivers will likely be very
inconsistent. Except, that is, for Eric Decker. Decker should continue his
productive ways this season, even if he was dumb enough to sign with the Jets. I
wouldn’t recommend depending on any of New Jersey’s running backs until they’ve
shown at least three weeks of consistent production.
I hate the Jets and that’s a
fact
Will they have a losing
record?
Is Rex Ryan fat?
The situation in Miami is a little
(just barely) brighter, but the Dolphins do have some hope for the playoffs.
Miami’s running back depth is a roll call of college studs who didn’t quite pan
out in the pros. Lamar Miller flashed hope for the future last season, but
ultimately was unable to perform well on a consistent basis. Knowshon Moreno
could take over in this change of scenery, but chances are he doesn’t have much
left in the tank. You’re already in trouble if you’re looking to Ryan Tannehill
to win a matchup, but receiver Brian Hartline has a pair of the most dependable
hands in the league. He’s a nice second or third receiver who’s probably on
your league’s waiver wire.
Fun in the sun where the
Dolphins reside
Their fortunes are rising
like the South Beach high tide
Tannehill must now learn to
step up and lead
Hopefully they have a coach
who can teach them to succeed
I never thought I’d regard the Bills
as the second-best team in the AFC East, but here we are. I won’t feel comfortable
supporting EJ Manuel as a legitimate QB option until he’s had a few good
seasons. However, the men in Buffalo’s backfield have been well-established.
C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson are one of the league’s best running back tandems
who are always prepared to pick up each other’s slack. However, Doug Marrone
seems to view Spiller as nothing more than a change-of-pace back, giving
Jackson the majority of first team reps and goal-line work. By the way, SAMMY
WATKINS. Didn’t catch that? SAMMY WATKINS. Need it again? SAMMY WATKINS. Good talk,
guys.
Winter bites hard in the
Buffalo snow
But for football it’s a
great place to go
Acrobatic receivers will
make for a show
Here comes a 10 win season
with great defense in tow
Last, but not least, MY New England
Patriots. Every single player on this roster is a stud, people. Third-stringers,
fourth-stringers, it doesn’t matter. Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback ever
and will turn anybody and everybody into a superstar. Okay, on a (more) serious
note, Shane Vereen is healthy and ready to have a big season. Should he end up
sidelined for any period of time, it may be rookie James White who you’ll want
to step in if Stevan Ridley keeps up his fumbling ways. On the receiving side,
Kenbrell Thompkins is about to have a breakout year. Mark my words. Julian
Edelman is always a great option, being Brady’s favorite target, but Danny
Amendola still hasn’t proven himself to be worth Welker’s departure in my eyes.
I’ll be completely honest, I kind of hate that guy. Kind of hate him a whole
lot. Forgive me if this poem is a little longer than the others.
Oh, New England Patriots
How do I describe my love
for thee?
Your glory is like a shining
sun, rising over the Boston Harbor
With the passion for you in
his heart, Vereen will run faster and farther
Bless Tom Brady’s right arm,
mortal limits it does not know
To see your banner lifted
high, there’s no length to which we will not go
With Revis in the secondary,
Peyton’s friends won’t be a worry
We’re going to win the Super
Bowl, so we bid the season HURRY!
There you have it folks, our first
Poetry Preview. Well, half of it, anyway. The NFC portion will be headed your
way soon. Don’t ask me how soon though, because I’m 3,247 words into this one
and it took me SO long to finish. Anyway, I hope this advice helps you win your
fantasy league this year and if it does feel free to let us know in the comments
section!
By the way, I haven’t been able to
shake the soccer bug I caught during the World Cup so I decided to follow the
Barclays Premier League (that’s in England). I plan to purchase a jersey soon
and who knows, maybe the BPL will even find its way into the Redding Report. The
world is a-changing, folks.
Up next, we preview the fantasy scene
in the NFC and most likely talk about something completely irrelevant. Arsenal
has a Champions League qualifying game tomorrow morning against Besiktas, so I’ll
be watching that at 9:30 am. I do not, however, have a single clue what the
Champions League is. Come on, you gunners!
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