Alright folks, now that we’ve fully
re-immersed into the football mentality, there’s a lot to talk about this
summer. Teams have begun training camps, big-name stars are recovering from
injuries, and a few free agents are still floating around out there. However,
there are a few things you need to know about me before you read what I’ll be
writing about all of these topics. You know, just so it isn’t awkward when you
read something you may not have been expecting.
Okay, the basics. I am a die-hard fan
of the New England Patriots. As a kid, I rooted for the Miami Dolphins, Ricky
Williams jersey and all, in obedience to my Miami-native father. During that
time, I also knew nothing about football or sports in general. See the
correlation here? Only someone who knows absolutely nothing about sports should
be rooting for the Dolphins. Anyway, around 2006 I took an interest in
football, thought the Patriots looked pretty cool knowing nothing about all
their recent success, and became a fan. Ipso facto, there it is. Never, ever,
use the word bandwagon in my reference. Accept the glory of the Patriots.
On that same thread, let’s clear the
air about Aaron Hernandez. Don’t expect any jokes from me. Aaron was by far my
favorite Patriot. Why? It’s not completely explainable, but he was one of the
best at Florida (an allegiance from my father that I stuck with, as well as the
Heat and Rays if I cared about baseball in the slightest) and seeing him get
drafted by New England was a hope realized. His talents made him exciting to
watch, his touchdown celebration was fun to imitate, and his frequent injuries
kept me in suspense. In an interview yesterday, Deion Branch said the news
about Hernandez’s arrest left him “shocked”. I agree, and like Branch, I “love
[Aaron] to death”. Every American is innocent until proven guilty. If anyone
has a Hernandez jersey they’re looking to get rid of, the comments section is
the place for you.
Now, here’s where things get a little
more complicated. My favorite football player is not a member of the Patriots. In
fact, a lot of the guys I really love to watch don’t suit up in Boston. I blame
this on Bill Belicheck’s desire to completely eradicate personality from his
team. There is only football. There is only the Kremlin. Anyway, this brings us
to who my favorite player IS. His name is Russel Wilson, the Magic Man (it’ll
catch on!!). Wilson was one of my favorite guys to watch on Saturdays when he
was the quarterback at Wisconsin, even though I often confused him with Taylor
Martinez. Upon his arrival in Seattle, I predicted they would win the Super
Bowl (Twitter: @GSRudy) in the next three years. You will hear a lot about Russ
and the Hawks from me, so get used to it.
A related subject, I often pick up
secondary rooting interests during the off-season, based on free agency and the
draft, or just the emergence of certain players that I liked. For this reason, I
will usually openly support one or two random teams, mostly on twitter. Examples
of this are: Skinny Josh Freeman and his Bucs, Andy Dalton, A.J. Green, and the
Bengals, and of course Russ-Magic and the Hawks. Why does this happen? Because,
quite honestly, sometimes success is boring. For the most part, New England is
often mechanical, bland, and uniform. Sometimes I need some excitement, some
doubt, something to love or hate. Can you blame me?
Shifting gears, here’s a list of
things/people that I hate and will frequently make jokes about: The New Jersey
Jets, Rex Ryan, Mark Sanchez, Antonio Cromartie, Norv Turner, The NCAA, Tom
Coughlin, Eli Manning, Joe Flacco, Bart Scott, Terrell Suggs, Brandon
Meriwether, and believe me, the list goes on. These are people and/or organizations
who have at some point (or repeatedly) pissed me off and now they are the butt
of many of my jokes or random, spiteful comments. Don’t let the rants catch you
off guard.
And now, some of my beliefs. First of
all, Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback ever. I will not listen to
alternative arguments on this subject, he just is. Second, Russel Wilson is
football’s messiah. He is the best player in the NFL. Accept this truth.
Embrace it. Third, Bernard Karmell Pollard was created by Satan to destroy the
Patriots. We all know it’s true. Also, the Immaculate Reception should have
been ruled an incomplete pass, the Pro Bowl is presently a waste of time, and
the Super Bowl should only be hosted by a rotation of San Diego, Miami, Tampa
Bay, and occasionally Phoenix. There’s more, of course, but you don’t have the
time.
Before I finish this article off,
just know that this blog fully endorses Tim Tebow. At Florida, he was a personal
hero of mine. A Christian guy winning National Championships! I watched every
game of his magical run in Denver, and it broke my heart last year when I had
to turn away from him because he had been banned to New Jersey. But now he’s
back, and a Patriot at that! So, just expect to be hearing a lot about that. You’ve
been warned.
I hope that you feel a little more
prepared to read my articles now. There are some things you may never
understand, like my sense of humor, or the words I make up. But now you’ve got
a little more insight into my mind. Any comments, or more likely questions, are
welcome in the comments section.
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