Hey folks! I’ve been in Mexico since
Monday, so forgive me if I start typing in Spanish. Have you missed me? I know
I’ve missed you! Anyway, I was excited to pull out my laptop this morning
because there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you guys about since last Sunday
afternoon. We’ll get into that in a second, but first let me just say that if
you haven’t spent time in Mexico you’re just plain missing out. The people are
loving, the landscape is picturesque, and the food will make you think twice
about going back to the States. Not to mention that the most gorgeous women are
all over the place. I don’t think I’ve ever watched the news with such rigorous
focus. Now let’s get to the football, shall we?
When the Broncos marched into
Arrowhead Stadium last Sunday afternoon, it seemed as though the Chiefs were
ready to avenge their loss from two weeks earlier. Early in the game it looked
like they would achieve that vengeance, but it was not to be. Once again their
defense was non-existent after a few drives and special teams magic could not
sustain Kansas City offensively. What I want to talk about, however, is a clip
that was showed from before the game. The broadcasting team was talking about
Knowshon Moreno’s passion for the game, and was duly prompted to show this
clip:
Now, I don’t know about you, but
crying in sports is nothing new to me. The part that my buddy Sergio and I were
amazed at though was the fact that those tears shot out of his eyes faster than
a bullet from a gun. I’ve never seen such gigantic, speedy tears in my life!
How much do I have to love something for huge tears to instantaneously be
rocket-propelled down my cheeks? This amazing sight shall forever be known to
us as #KnowshonTears, as I hereby christen them. And don’t think this is only
for the likes of famous athletes, no, we can all cry #KnowshonTears. That same
Sunday, the pastor at my church insisted on saying a certain word over and over
again during his message. That word happens to also be the name of a certain
lady who I love very much, but haven’t seen since the summer. After about the
100th time he said it, I was definitely crying #KnowshonTears in my
head. How can they apply to your life?
This past Sunday my Patriots pulled
off another incredible comeback win, prompting cornerback Kyle Arrington (with
whom I have a love/hate relationship) to label them the “Cardiac Kids”. The
victory over Cleveland was New England’s third come-from-behind win in as many
weeks. However, a huge loss occurred during that big win: tight end Rob
Gronkowski (aka Colossus) was lost for the season due to a torn ACL caused by
an extremely dirty hit by Browns safety T.J. Ward, who was clearly hired by fellow assassin Bernard Karmell Pollard. Bill Belicheck had this to
say:
Couldn’t have said it better myself,
Bill. Now I want to talk about another monstrous player who was on the field
that day. In week 3, Browns receiver Josh Gordon (The Destroyer) had 10
receptions for 146 yards and one touchdown. Hesitantly, I added him to my
fantasy team(s). I thought it couldn’t last because, well, he plays for the
Browns. 11 weeks later, Gordon just added 151 yards and a touchdown to a four
game stretch of 774 yards and 5 touchdowns. On Sunday he scored an 80 yard
touchdown against my Patriots. EIGHTY YARDS. Can we please get this man a
nickname?? Here’s something to get your creative juices going:
Remember in week 1 when the Eagles
debuted Chip Kelly’s “turbo” offense and beat the Redskins 33-27? Then they
lost their next two games and continued to be disappointingly inconsistent,
until week 5 that is. What happened in week 5? Well, they destroyed the Raiders
in Oakland, 49-20, and began a five game winning streak. Quarterback Nick Foles
has been a big part of their success, he just threw his first interception
after about 20 touchdowns this weekend, but another player is the cog that
makes this clock tick. LeSean McCoy, one of the NFL’s most dynamic running
backs, had 217 yards and two touchdowns in the snow (AND I MEAN THE SNOW!) in a
Philly comeback against the Lions this week. The dude is ridiculous, and the
Eagles owe their new-found playoff contention in large part to him. Don’t
believe me? Eat your heart out:
Are you tired of the GIFs yet? Shame
on you if you said yes, they’re the internet’s savior! Anyway, I know I haven’t
put out a picks column in a couple of weeks, but I’m also on a time crunch so
we’re going to breeze through these. I may not even consult the Redding Report
Crystal Ball of Athletic Clairvoyance©. True to form, projected winners will be
in bold.
Ø The Cowboys and Bears are facing off right now, I’m taking Chicago in that one
Ø Kicking off Week 15 for us are the Chargers heading into Mile High
Stadium. Call me crazy, but San Diego is going to punch themselves a ticket to
the postseason
Ø The Patriots are going to beat the Dolphins and I’m going to continue
mocking my Miami-native dad
Ø The Giants suck and the Seahawks are made of magic and muscles
Ø Drew Brees
isn’t going to lose to the Rams, shame on you for such thoughts
Ø The Falcons get the benefit of the doubt against Washington because, I
mean, did you see the Chiefs vs. Redskins game?
Ø The Bears might seem like a given
going into Cleveland, but I’m
actually going to give this one to the Browns. Four words: Josh Gordon, The
Destroyer
Ø The Texans could push for one of
those “we finally lost enough games to get rid of our coach that we secretly
hated, let’s play our hearts out so the defensive coordinator can win the job
permanently” wins against the Colts,
but Indy needs this one
Ø The Eagles are on a mission and Adrian Peterson is injured. Not looking
good for the Vikings there
Ø San Francisco
is riding high after a win over the rival Seahawks and Tampa Bay doesn’t have
the tools necessary to beat them, even on their best day. Two words: Frank Gore
Ø I already hate myself for saying
this, but the Jaguars have looked
pretty good recently. I think they keep it going against the Bills in front of
their home crowd
Ø As you saw on Sunday, the Chiefs are pissed off after three
straight divisional losses. Washington took the brunt of that blow, but Oakland
won’t be spared either
Ø To this point, the Jets have found
just one victory in their six games on their road. After a blowout loss to the
Saints, the Panthers will be out to
prove that they are still as tough as ever
Ø Usually I’d take the Cowboys here,
but after Green Bay’s win over
Atlanta and Dallas’ humiliating loss to Chicago last night, I’m thinking the
Boys have fallen right back into their usual pattern
Ø The Titans started strong against
Denver, but apparently weren’t prepared to finish. The Cardinals will overwhelm them with a defense that scores about 20+
fantasy points every week (can you tell that I’m smiling?) despite the recent
loss of Tyrann Mathieu to a torn ACL
Ø The Bengals will be looking to cement their playoff position and remind
the Steelers who’s running the AFC North when they march into Heinz Field.
Pittsburgh has been playing well of late, but Cincy always finds a way
Ø Monday night is the perfect setting
for Detroit to expose Baltimore for
the frauds they are, and not to mention a horrible team on the road
This week, as for many of you, my
fantasy leagues began their playoffs. In my Money league (with a pool of about
$300), my team decided to turn in the worst showing I’ve ever seen from any
fantasy team ever. I mean seriously, my only double-digit scorers were Danny
Amendola and Matt Prater! Needless to say, I was devastated. In my Buddy
league, where we barely slipped into the 7th seed after starting the
season 0-5, I was also blown out thanks to big fat jerks injuring both Adrian
Peterson and Rob Gronkowski. However, Josh Gordon the Destroyer and Arizona’s
defense kept my Pride team alive. It was a tumultuous Sunday to say the least.
Random End-of-Season Award
Prediction:
As we draw closer to the end of
football season (I feel like it just started yesterday!) the candidates for
awards such as MVP and Coach of the Year start coming into focus. For this
reason, we’ll choose one award per week and predict who will be the winner. This
week let’s look at Offensive Rookie of the Year. I’m taking Keenan Allen, San
Diego Chargers wide receiver. Allen has provided a spark for the team this year
with his great hands and recent nose for the end zone. He scored twice in San
Diego’s blowout win over the Giants this weekend and should be a top-3
candidate for OROY.
Alright, it’s about that time again
friends. I have to leave you until next time. Before I go, don’t forget to
share your #KnowshonTears stories and #JoshGordonNicknames with me on Twitter
at @GSRudy! The comments section has open arms as well. Until next time!
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